ARE YOU GOING WHERE YOU SHOULD BE GOING?

One ship drives East,
and another drives West,
With the self-same winds that blow;
Tis the set of the sails, and not the gales,
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life;
Tis the set of the soul that decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

-Ella Wheeler-Wilcox

Ever wonder why we fall apart when the "winds are against us", but others in similar situations take it all in stride? It's because their sails are set differently.

THE ENEMY AT THE GATE...

I am reminded of Hans Christian Andersen's story of "The Emperor's New Clothes" and of another story, "The Invisible Silk Robe" by "I don't know the author"...

But here are two examples of people pretending to see (the emperor's new clothes and king's silk robe), people pretending not to see (that there existed no robe or clothes) and/or people who were afraid of how they would be seen (only people of high standing could see the garments of these royalties).

The truth about self can be very offensive. The exposure to criticism and oft times bitter taste makes swallowing the truth very difficult. To deal with this, we sometimes pretend to see what does not exist (lie to ourself), pretend not to see what exists (lie to ourself) and/or get so caught up in how we will be seen that we pretend to be who we are not (lie to ourself).

No matter how it is dressed, there is one constant - the lie.

But there is a time to acknowledge the truth about ourselves, regardless of how difficult it may be. We have all sinned (of which lying is one), and he who claims to be without sin, tells a lie. Admit your lies, then seek to be forgiven and offer forgiveness ("Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespassed against us").

The fabric of a lie does not change the truth, and lies can be prisons. The truth however, is freedom. It may come at a price, but it is freedom from the prison that is a lie.

All too often we are our own worst enemy.

TELLING YOURSELF STORIES THAT HURT YOU

I think we have all told these stories - the ones where we make up the stories but end up telling a story that hurt us. Example, you ask a friend to hang out for the evening and they say "no". So off you go making up stories - maybe they said no "because they are mad about me going to dinner with another friend last week". Then you go on to extend the story: "they probably don't like my other friend". Or maybe they said no "because I didn't lend them $20" or "because I didn't answer my phone last night". Whatever the story may be, how likely will it make us feel better?

I like to think that I have reached a point, socially, where I embrace the word "no" without a story. In a social setting when dealing with friends, associates and family, "no" is not an issue for me. Maybe you are mad because I didn't lend you the twenty, or you don't like my friend, or you are upset because I said "no" to one of your previous requests. Whatever it may be, I have reached a point where you saying "no" does not create an emotional whirlwind within me.

Yes, I will think of stories that may "explain" your response, and one of them may be true; but, I don't KNOW which one is true,or why you said "no" (and knowing me, I probably won't try to find out either). Regardless, I will not allow these stories to become the truth I tell myself.

However, if next weekend I ask you to hangout, and you say "no", well, that's a different story.

AT EASE – EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING

It's 7:54 a.m., 73 deg F, Sunday and I am seated on my deck. A very light breeze is blowing causing the leaves on the trees to waltz. Every now and then the wind gets excited and encourages the leaves to put some pep in their step. I watch the fog lift its cover from my backyard, and the sun peek through the railings of the deck and branches of the trees. It is a beautiful sight and I felt at ease.

Something compelled me to get up and go outside this morning. While still in bed I read a bible verse (John 17: 16 – 31) about sorrows turning to joy, and reflected on my reading. After a few minutes I yielded to the desire to be outside. I stepped outside with Mark Twain and Tyndale to say hello to the morning and “my birds” who were already in full chorus. Later we were joined by a cup of tea.

I read another verse; this time from Proverbs 5 : 6 – 20 (Tyndale). It spoke about the lessons of life. I also reflected on that verse and felt at ease.

Before “talking” to Twain I looked around my backyard. I see a maple tree that I thought of cutting down due to its size and close proximity to the house. I see rose bushes peek-a-booing through the deck railing. Further in the distance I see a garden patch that blooms iris in the spring, but is now in need of weeding and attention. Beyond that, further in the distance, is a patch of weed that needs to be removed. I am looking at the garden area immediately around the deck and wondering if I should bother myself with mulching it today. I also have a few trees around which I want to put soil and mulch. I felt stirred.

I zoomed out to take a broader view of the sight and take in the sounds which includes the flutter of wings: some visiting the bird feeder while others just flying by. I didn't feel like an intruder. I felt like I was welcomed to be in the picture.

I felt at ease.

I SHALL SING

what is all this ruckus I hear outside my bedroom window?...it is too early (about 4:30 a.m.) in the morning for all this noise...my room would have been such a quiet place had it not been for this commotion...

i poke my head out from under my covers to investigate this intrusion of my space...the first thing I discovered was a calm cool wind seeping in thru my open window, making its way across my room to caress my head (I am bald-headed)...the wind brought with it a fresh earthy scent – reminds me of dirt mixed with rainwater and tinged with vinegar...then I started to focus on the commotion...

It sounded like a demonstration...like folks were trying to out-shout each other...at times it appeared as if they got tired and started to tone things down, only to start shouting again...once in a while, a loud voice booms over a megaphone inciting the chorus to yell even louder...the voices varied from deep bass to high pitch, seemingly covering all ranges within that parameter...

this went on constantly for at least two hours...it is approaching the 3hr marker since I started my investigation...it appears as if the crowd is dispersing causing a significant drop in the noise level and i am ready to assess the physical damage left in their wake...

there is no damage...there was no riot...it was nothing more than a 'bunch' of folks singing from the morning's stage...from the short piercing “chirp” to the repetitive and melodious “stwerrrrrp stwerppp”, they sang at the top of their voices...together they were a noisy bunch, but i welcomed their intrusion...in fact, I invited their intrusion into my space...they disturbed the silence of my room, but not me...I enjoyed the chorus...they sang (term used lightly) with zest and life...

today, the world is my stage...i too shall sing at the top of my voice, even though I cannot carry a musical note if you handed it to me in a basket...but those birds told me to pay no attention to the “haters”...they are just mad cause THEY can't sing...

i have so much to say i don't know where to start...


so for now, enjoy the beautiful sounds of the beautiful goapele...

"BUZZ" OFF - PLEASE

I am not a social butterfly, thus I shy away from social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc etc). I am active on only one message board and I tend to do a lot more reading that posting. I keep a small circle of associates and a smaller circle of friends. Even among my circle of friends, I tend not to open up. I will tell you how my day is going or what I have been up to if we are just shooting the breeze, but to call you and start lamenting is not my style. My tendency is to be quiet about things and not make a fuss. My point is, I share very few details of my life even with close friends, and I appreciate them for respecting my position, and allowing me to be who I am.

However, Google takes an opposing view. Apparently, Google thinks I am okay with my info being shared and accessible by those I don't even know, or care to know. I have heard the buzz about Google's Buzz and decided to be nosey about all the buzz. What did I find out? - that Google decided my email contacts should be made public to other people who use Gmail and/or Buzz. They also decided that I should be able to see my contacts' other contacts - if they are being followed on Buzz...

I share my email info with those who I want contacting me, and I don't consider my information (whatever little or much Google has) to be public record. I believe I should have the option to 'opt-in' if I so desire, as opposed to be thrown into the pit, and have to 'opt-out'. Of course you know that opting-out is not as easy as unchecking a few boxes.

So my dear 'unfriend' Google, please Buzz off. Thank you. I determine my friends, not you (at least that's what I tell myself).

I AM NOT ALONE

Thanksgiving was a blast. I was off work and for that I was extremely thankful. I spent the day doing everything I wanted to do - nothing. I also did most of what I didn't want to do - anything. Actually, I had to do a little bit of light cleaning. However, it felt good to go at my own pace.

With nothing much to do, I figured I would make my rounds of blogs and news sites. I realize during my blog surfing, that sometimes it is better to just shut up and make people think you have nothing to say, than to open your mouth only to prove that you have nothing to say.

As I am surfing some of these blogs, I find them to be nothing more than links to other sites. Seriously now, I thought blogging (and the whole purpose of writing) was to share YOUR thoughts. A link to a story is fine, but when the link is your story, then maybe you should really just remain quiet. It reminds me of people who speak because they can, and not because they have something to say. Where are your thoughts?

I see one of favorite blogs has not been updated in a long time. I have to wonder if the blogger chooses to speak only when there is something to say, versus speaking because they possess the ability to speak. Knowing the blogger, I would say the former is most likely the reason for the lack of updates. And that is quite fine by me.

To those who update their blogs with refreshing contents, keep up the good work - you gave me something to do.

WOW

WOW! That's all I can say. I am actually paying attention to this blog. Being busy with work does not leave me with enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do. My work day (excluding drive time) generally starts at 8:30 a.m. and ends somewhere between 11:30 - 11:45 p.m. most days. On the occasions when I have an evening off, updating a blog is not among my top priorities. However, I decided to take the time to write something. Of greater significance is not what I write, but that I am taking the time to write.

I use to say "I don't have the time", but then I realize I was cheating myself out of things I love and enjoy (and no, I am not talking about blogging nor writing). For example, it was the excuse I used for not going cycling. I used to ride a minimum of 75 miles per week, but for the past 4 years I rode less than 7 miles per week on the rare occasions when I did ride. I think I get a little less than 7 miles per week on my riding lawn mower - I'll have to check.

During this time I could hear my bikes moaning as they fell in a cobwebbed state of non-use. So I threw the "no time excuse" out the door, repaired my bikes (do-it-myself + professional) and started riding again. My road bike is now a part of my truck. At first I was a little annoyed having to lift and pull it from the cabin compartment as I do not yet have a bike hitch. Then I remembered, if I want to do this (ride) then I'll have to do this (lift and pull). Now the lifting and pulling is a part of the experience, and WOW is all I can say to this experience.

Today I rode a mixed trail - wooded, hills, flats, farms and city. I generally enjoy city riding until I start inhaling the fumes of passing vehicles or someone decides to exit a parked vehicle and open their door suddenly just as I am about to pass by. Today in the city, about 11 miles into my journey, I stopped at a roadside market and ate the juiciest, crispiest apple I ate in a long time. It had the right balance of tart and sweet - just how I like it. Combined with an oatmeal cookie it was the perfect fuel. The flats took me through Grant's Farm, home to Budweiser's Clydesdale. To ride along the white fences and watch the Clydesdale (including a foal) galivant reminded me of the freedom to be enjoyed outside. During the "wooded ride" I saw a few deers including a majestic buck (probably a 10pt buck), dart across the trail ahead of me. The trail crossed rivers, streams and brooks and on occasions ran alongside them. Squirrels played "dodge the bikers", caterpillars tried to scurry across the trail and birds were busy darting in and out of the bushes along the side of the trail.

It was such a beautiful experience to be back in the saddle and enjoying the sights and sounds of the outdoors. Had it not been for getting saddle sore and feeling a thousand little fire in each quad, I would not have realized that I covered 26.5 miles riding. Next stop - 30 miles. No more I don't have the time. The experience is too rich for me to not enjoy it.

AND...it is mostly free...

A RIVER RUNS THRU IT

2008 was a rough year for me...not only did i have to live thru an IRS audit that started in 2007, but i also lost my primary source of income (aka my job)...for 5 months i lived on my savings and a part-time job...

fortunately, i obtained full time employment...a few weeks after starting this position, my part-time job (which at one point was my full time job) offered me the opportunity to come back full time...for someone who didn't have a full time position for 5 months, this was a great problem to have...in the end, i accepted the offer from my part-time employer, but was able to remain part-time with "new employer" (the result of making a strong impression and demonstrating that i am more action than talk)...

what's ahead for 2009 and beyond?...perseverance...

Lucretius once said: "the drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling"...i look at the pic i took of this stream and am so inspired...i watch the water deal with the obstacles (if you see the rocks as obstacles versus guiding signs) by exercising its fluidity, and moving around the rocks...at some points in the pic, it seems as if the water is hugging the rocks, embracing its life's 'problems'...

i watch it flow smoothly towards the edge of the rocks, and then tumble over the edge...the fall seems to create different little pieces and fragments the stream as it tumbles...but those pieces pool at the end of the fall and continue to flow as a unit...that's perseverance...

i don't know when i will stumble and fall...but i know that picking up the pieces and "flowing on" is what i will do...and will embrace the challenges thrown at me, and like the river, i shall continue flowing to the ocean...

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

it is almost the 6th month of the year and spring has just arrived in my garden...its "late" arrival reminds me to just accept what i cannot change and anticipate what is to arrive...

i am also reminded, as i look at my roses, that change is good...i have a red rose planted one rose bush away from a white rose bush...the bush in the middle is now budding pink roses...talk about building a bridge...a bridge that can lead to a change that may bud some creativity...

i watch the blooms play peek-a-boo between the wooden rails of my deck...i watch as they weave their path between the rails, rising up from the soil as if to say "hi there...here i am"...

well hello to you too...and thanks for stopping by...

THE TAX MAN KNOCKS...

my hibernation was disturbed not by spring but by the taxman...as always, i am a late filer, but this year was a little different - i got audited, going back a few years...

after all was said and done (i hope), i had to pay a few 'extra' dollars to shake the monkey off my back...good riddance...

speaking of spring, i wish it would hurry up and get here...i usually don't look forward to missouri's especially hot humid summers of tornadoes, nor am especially thrilled about having to mow over an acre of lawn...but i welcome the opportunity to be outdoor without freezing off my tail...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

i just woke up from hibernating...

hopefully i didn't miss much...

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?

This is how I feel most days...buried under paper and books...
I like a challenge and perform best when under pressure...when i was in college a friend/room-mate once told me that i had the ability to pull time out of my ass...didn't quite understand what that meant but now i do...

Being in grad school full time and working two jobs leaves little time to do anything besides being in grad school full time and working two jobs...the pressure is such that i have re-evaluated liking challenges...

after careful thought, my conclusion is this: i wouldn't change a darn thing because i am having fun...last night as i was surfing the internet in search of tuition solutions for my pursuit of an MBA, i couldn't help looking at Ph.D (Biology/Microbiology) options...

it seems the more i learn the more i want to learn (does that make me nerdy?)...and since the sky is the limit, i intend to soar to above the clouds...

in the mean time, beg yuh "smalls" fi tuition nuh?...life hawd eenuh...

SCHOOL DAYS

i am back in school - this time working on my MBA...and i am already annoyed...

i had to spend nearly $300.00 on two textbooks, one of which (for my business analysis) is loaded with what i call ads...they are so cleverly made a part of the book that you would think they are relevant to the topic...there are whole pages devoted to the "great things" these companies are doing, and how they are good corporate citizens and great places at which to work...now if these accolades were incorporated into the text's reading, i wouldn't be so sour....but these are like full page ads...the language strongly suggests that they were written by the companies (not the book's publisher) and they come complete with logos, photos and mission statements...in fact, the first 4 - 5 pages of the book is all ads...

why is this so annoying?...

first, i have to pay for these people to cram their crap down my throat...i believe if i am going to spend my money on a textbook, then i should get text that is relevant to my learning - not to be force fed corporate crap....it's just like going to the movies...i pay to go see a movie...i am seated waiting for the film, and BAM - i am hit with ads for everything from coca-cola to toyota....YUK....i don't believe i should have to buy your advertisements...

second, i now begin to wonder how much of an influence these advertisers have on or over the publisher?...were the publishers forced or influenced in anyway to write favorably of these companies?

third and most important, why does the books cost so much money, when it is advertiser driven?...i am sure these companies paid to have their ads placed all over these books...that is a saving for the publisher...why do i not get to enjoy that saving?...instead, the price of text books keep going up, while the number of ads in the books also go up...

anyway, i am ready for classes, ready for the challenges and ready to learn (among other things) how to cleverly advertise my company...

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ONE CITY BLOCK - TRACT 1114

known to the Census Bureau as Census Tract 1114:

population: 2,047

household: 739

Families: 451

Married couples with children under 18: 226

% of married-couple family with at least one worker: 84

median income: $17, 219

while the median income is about $10,000 a year less than citywide figures, census tract 1114 sounds like your typical neighborhood - families with kids and folks with jobs... it is not the prettiest neighborhood but the tree lined streets add a little beauty - to the beast that lies beneath...

St. Louis Ave is in census tract 1114, and one block of this street (the 3800 block) is enough to skew the statistics of the neighborhood:

number of killings in one week: 3

Von was shot during a dispute over a debt... his death was swept under the rug without any fanfare... Shaneka (15 years old) was shot while sitting on her cousin's front porch (from all indications she was an innocent bystander caught in a drive by)... her death, like Von's, was swept under the rug... Alexus (13 years old) was stabbed to death in her front yard...

Alexus' death rang an alarm through the city and... her killer was a 12 year old boy... allegedly he was a bully, who upon being confronted by a frustrated Alexus, went home, got a steak knife came back and stabbed her to death... now there is a question of whether to prosecute him as a juvenile or as an adult...

Alexus' death also rang my alarm...two young lives lost to the 3800 block of Census Tract 1114...

welcome to the Jeff Vanderlou neighborhood....

One hour; 3 shootings

1:00 a.m, a passerby found a man with a gun shot wound to the face, sprawled half in, half way out of his idling vehicle...welcome to Hamilton Heights

1:30 a.m... a drive by blasted a 35 year old man several times...welcome to the Goodfellow-Wells neighborhood...

2:00 a.m....another drive by, this time two teenagers, 15 and 16 years old, caught in the middle...welcome to the Gates District...

last year when st. louis claimed the dubious honor of being one of the most violent cities in america, our city leaders got in arms and cited various statistics to bolster their counter claim... the picture is not so grim they said... but this is because they live in the county (suburbs) while most of the crime is centered in the city...

not all parts of the city is "bad"... in fact, most of the city neighborhoods are relatively safe... but some areas are more heavily crime ridden than others...thankfully, those crime ridden areas do not make up the larger part of the city... for folks living in these high crime areas, no amount of dressing or padding the numbers can change the fact that, a walk down the street or a chit-chat on your porch can make you scared beyond wit's end...

WHY GAS PRICES SHOULD GO HIGHER

i have heard a lot of rhetoric about keeping gas prices low...among the talk is that of a higher gas tax...the idea is that the higher prices would curb the desire for gas and may put extra money in the state coiffers - money that could be used for social programs etc etc...

let me just get this off my chest right now...THAT IS A SALES PITCH....there is already a gas tax in place...this whole "extra money" for social programs/efforts would be a good idea if it wasn't a "tax" and managed by politicians...

when you have a vehicle that demands gas, you have no other choice but to feed it gas...the curb for this hunger is higher gas prices and/or alternative fuels...and even alternative fuels come with catches - as the demand for alternative fuel increases, market economics suggest its price will also increase (the good old supply and demand)...

i am probably among the few big SUV owners who want gas prices to go up...since buying my vehicle late last year amid the then high gas price turmoil (i am a contrarian - buy when everybody else is dumping), i have changed some of my habits in response to the price i pay at the pump...these are changes that i wanted to make but was either too lazy (walking to the store a few hundred feet from my front door) or just wasn't motivated enough (find the shortest/quickest distance to my destination)...

with gas prices higher now than they were last year, on average i spend much less money at the pump (weekly) compared to last year...approximately one and a half to two tanks of gas per week was my consumption rate last year...this year i am averaging one tank of gas per week, a major change in my driving habits...

for the broader population, a majority of whom may not be able to change their driving habits, higher gas prices is just what they need...with higher prices, there is less money to spend elsewhere...eventually the "Walmarts" (indicators of market condition) will begin to feel the squeeze as people spend less...very soon they will send out a call to arms and lead the charge into battling high prices...the faster the prices rise, the sooner this will happen...

let politics stay out of this...i don't believe there is a politician including presidential hopefuls who has the spine to get out of the oil company's bed...there is nothing they should do about prices at the pump...if you want to spoil a good party, or make a bad party worst, just invite politics to the event...the prices at the pump will be corrected once they reach a ceiling put in place by the other guys (the Walmarts)...

the only problem here is that there will be a lot of blood on the battlefield...

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LEAVE DON IMUS ALONE

lemme weigh in with my two pounds about this whole situation:

i don't think Imus should be fired...in fact, i think he should be allowed to carry on with what he was doing in just the same ways he normally does it...

here is why...people like Imus makes it easier to fight racism...

there is a segment of the american population that loves to think that racism died when slavery was abolished...when the issue of racism is brought up by the victims, this segment is first to imply that the "racism is perceived and not real"...this is when you hear charges of "free speech", "it was just a comment", "it was harmless", "i am not a racist", "i have black friends" being thrown around...



there is also a segment (and it probably overlaps with the segment previously mentioned) that believes if you close your eyes, racism will disappear...they crinch when the topic is broached and scamper away as quickly as possible... their scampering may be hampered by their physical surroundings...in those cases you get silence or a response that clearly indicates their discomfort...

but dialogue is what we need - and of course actions and resolutions that go beyond dialogues...we need to talk about it...we need to let those who think it is dead know that it is alive and vibrant...we need to let those who are in their comfort zones realize that if you close your eyes it won't go away...this is where people like Imus comes in...they keep the issue alive and remind those who forget that racism is real...they catch those who like to close their eyes, with their eyes wide open...

a lot of outlets refuse to tackle or address racism until "something" they deem news worthy happens...people like Imus make sure that this "something" happens, and when it does, it will make the news...

just the ammunition needed to take to the battle field...

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BATRACHOPHOBIA

phobia: the irrational persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities or persons (en.wikipedia.org)...

acrophobia : fear of heights

claustrophobia : fear of enclosed/confined spaces

i suffer from the above two phobias...those who know me find it somewhat hard to believe given that i don't have a fear of flying - a combination of the two phobias...(and let me say: those two phobias are not antagonistic - they do not cancel or negate each other)...

making it hard for them to believe also is the fact that i conceal my fears very well...i have been to the top of the St. Louis Arch, The Sears Tower and a few other tall structures...my comfort at these heights comes from focusing on the floor on which i am standing...when i do that i don't seem to be so "high" up in the air...

as for overcoming claustrophobia, i just tell myself "breathe"...when i am in confined spaces, involuntary breathing stops...i have to force myself to breathe...usually i realize that i am not breathing when my heart rate goes up and the space starts getting smaller and dark - i think on a few occasions i came darn close to syncope or carbon dioxide poisoning...

point is, i can overcome my fears/phobia by telling myself these are irrational fears, or by focusing on something other than the the situation that gave rise to the phobia...

but what do you say to a cataleptic, frozen in time as a response to fear, to ease them back to normalcy?...

recently i was having a lively phone conversation with a beautiful young lady, when the conversation ended abruptly... i called her back immediately to find out why the sudden "click" of the phone...on my third attempt she answered, breathing heavily and panting uncontrollably... apparently she went to her bedroom for whatever reason and encountered a lizard... that was the end of the world as we know it, and the beginning of catatonia...

the poor little lizard ran under her bed to avoid her and her spray can of "lizard repellent" (understand that even whip cream, if within her reach - it was her bedroom after all - would have been her lizard repellent if it was the first thing she could grab)... with the lizard under the bed, some how she found herself standing on the bed...

and now ladies and gentlemen we have a show down - a frightened recovering cataleptic with a spray can of "something" vs a scared lizard...

while she has my empathy, i started hitting myself for calling back...i am thinking "how do i get off this phone - this is not going to be good for me...there is no way i can talk the lizard out from under the bed and there is no sense trying to talk her off the bed"... i thought about pulling the "shhhheerrrrr isssssthhh static in thhhhhh crrrrrrrrrrsssssssssshhhhhhhhhh"....interpretation: "i can't hear you there is static in the lines" - the perfect reason to hang up... but this is my friend and this is life threatening... i was so scared for the poor lizard... there is only one outcome for it - certain death...

i suggested that she blindly sprayed some "repellent" under the bed, but that would mean hanging her hand off the edge of the bed, and that is a big NO NO... i suggested going to another room (she had already decided to do that), but she would have to separate herself from the bed...that too presented a problem... she told me of her mother staying on the phone with her and walking her through a previous lizard encounter... at this time i started preparing for a long night...

fortunately (and i am sure physicists the world over would have tremendous interest in this), she managed to get to a next room without leaving the bed or touching the floor... both the lizard and i breathed a huge sigh of relief - "SHE'S GONE", said i to the lizard and the lizard to i...

phobias are nothing to joke about... in this situation, after a long day of zipping and running around outside in the heat, dealing with the hustles and bustles of daily acts, avoiding danger and making it to the end of day, all that is needed is a good night's rest... time to settle down, relax and breathe a sigh of relief...

however, instead of getting rest, you are attacked by a screaming mad woman with a can of spray... you run for cover to avoid the madness... you stay hidden hoping for calm... you are doing your best to avoid a confrontation... you are not the aggressor... you are more scared of her than she is of you (who has the weapons?... that's what i thought)... but still she insist, you are the problem...ain't that summn to think about?...maaaaan after all that, you deserve a few Heineken's (sorry, i don't stock budweiser)

batrachophobia: the fear of amphibians, frogs newts or salamanders


i am still researching the phobia (experienced by the lizard) of screaming women who attack with spray cans... any and all help would be greatly appreciated...


edit: hahahahaha...below is the outcome of the situation (as was emailed to me by her)...

"i got out the lizard....it didnt involve much theatrics....just a little bravado to walk into the room and move the bed and there he was.....sprayed him some more and he ran around the room before heading for the living room.....under the desk to try to hide in all my cables...but i poked and prodded till he showed himself and then i swept him out the door and off the edge of the balcony......"

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IT SOOO HARD...BUT SHOULDN'T BE

i have always found it difficult to find a pair of pants/slacks that fit the way i want them to fit... usually the length is okay but the waist doesn't fit right, or the reverse holds true... i even run into problems finding pants that have the right length between the waist and the crotch... in this case the waist fits, but the jewels are uncomfortable, leaving them bunched up and bulging, pointing the way ahead... this becomes especially embarrassing when blood drains to the nether regions (and in my case that sometimes occur without any conscious effort and/or without me even knowing why), or when blood moves away from said regions (example when it is cold - then i am left with a little stub that sticks out like a finger)...

i have even tried tailors...but for whatever reason their cuts just doesn't hug me right...i am picky, i know, but i also know that humans are fallible...as a result i load up my closet with khakis...

but when i step out of my khakis, all i want are:

1. evenly spaced (including a loop at the back seam) and well anchored loops capable of easily accommodating a belt 1.5 inches wide

2. firmly placed buttons - not something that spins each time it is handled and then falls off when it gets tired of spinning

3. zippers that do what they are supposed to do when they are called upon to work (preferably zippers that can nudge me to move certain body parts out of the way before it snags them/it...this is especially important since i like go commando)

4. pockets that are deep enough to hold its contents without them falling out each time i sit, but not so deep i have to stretch to my knees to reach the contents

5. pockets that are durable and can withstand poking and prodding without giving up (falling off the pants or "growing" holes)

6. seams that are straight - particularly the inseam...i was always taught that to crease my pants i should lay the seams of the pant leg one atop the other and that should give me straight seam that is evenly placed on the pant leg....this crease should also run up the front and back of the pant leg...not the side...when the seams are lean that lesson does not hold and i have to call an engineer to figure out the right angles and placement of the crease..

7. back pockets that are placed not too high up, but also not so low that my wallet hurt the back of my leg (and yes, my pants MUST have back pockets)

8. cuffs (when i do wear them) that are even...not cuffs that are 1.5 inches on the left leg, and 1 inch on the right...(that makes me look off-balance)

i don't think that is too much to ask...

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