WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?

This is how I feel most days...buried under paper and books...
I like a challenge and perform best when under pressure...when i was in college a friend/room-mate once told me that i had the ability to pull time out of my ass...didn't quite understand what that meant but now i do...

Being in grad school full time and working two jobs leaves little time to do anything besides being in grad school full time and working two jobs...the pressure is such that i have re-evaluated liking challenges...

after careful thought, my conclusion is this: i wouldn't change a darn thing because i am having fun...last night as i was surfing the internet in search of tuition solutions for my pursuit of an MBA, i couldn't help looking at Ph.D (Biology/Microbiology) options...

it seems the more i learn the more i want to learn (does that make me nerdy?)...and since the sky is the limit, i intend to soar to above the clouds...

in the mean time, beg yuh "smalls" fi tuition nuh?...life hawd eenuh...

SCHOOL DAYS

i am back in school - this time working on my MBA...and i am already annoyed...

i had to spend nearly $300.00 on two textbooks, one of which (for my business analysis) is loaded with what i call ads...they are so cleverly made a part of the book that you would think they are relevant to the topic...there are whole pages devoted to the "great things" these companies are doing, and how they are good corporate citizens and great places at which to work...now if these accolades were incorporated into the text's reading, i wouldn't be so sour....but these are like full page ads...the language strongly suggests that they were written by the companies (not the book's publisher) and they come complete with logos, photos and mission statements...in fact, the first 4 - 5 pages of the book is all ads...

why is this so annoying?...

first, i have to pay for these people to cram their crap down my throat...i believe if i am going to spend my money on a textbook, then i should get text that is relevant to my learning - not to be force fed corporate crap....it's just like going to the movies...i pay to go see a movie...i am seated waiting for the film, and BAM - i am hit with ads for everything from coca-cola to toyota....YUK....i don't believe i should have to buy your advertisements...

second, i now begin to wonder how much of an influence these advertisers have on or over the publisher?...were the publishers forced or influenced in anyway to write favorably of these companies?

third and most important, why does the books cost so much money, when it is advertiser driven?...i am sure these companies paid to have their ads placed all over these books...that is a saving for the publisher...why do i not get to enjoy that saving?...instead, the price of text books keep going up, while the number of ads in the books also go up...

anyway, i am ready for classes, ready for the challenges and ready to learn (among other things) how to cleverly advertise my company...

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ONE CITY BLOCK - TRACT 1114

known to the Census Bureau as Census Tract 1114:

population: 2,047

household: 739

Families: 451

Married couples with children under 18: 226

% of married-couple family with at least one worker: 84

median income: $17, 219

while the median income is about $10,000 a year less than citywide figures, census tract 1114 sounds like your typical neighborhood - families with kids and folks with jobs... it is not the prettiest neighborhood but the tree lined streets add a little beauty - to the beast that lies beneath...

St. Louis Ave is in census tract 1114, and one block of this street (the 3800 block) is enough to skew the statistics of the neighborhood:

number of killings in one week: 3

Von was shot during a dispute over a debt... his death was swept under the rug without any fanfare... Shaneka (15 years old) was shot while sitting on her cousin's front porch (from all indications she was an innocent bystander caught in a drive by)... her death, like Von's, was swept under the rug... Alexus (13 years old) was stabbed to death in her front yard...

Alexus' death rang an alarm through the city and... her killer was a 12 year old boy... allegedly he was a bully, who upon being confronted by a frustrated Alexus, went home, got a steak knife came back and stabbed her to death... now there is a question of whether to prosecute him as a juvenile or as an adult...

Alexus' death also rang my alarm...two young lives lost to the 3800 block of Census Tract 1114...

welcome to the Jeff Vanderlou neighborhood....

One hour; 3 shootings

1:00 a.m, a passerby found a man with a gun shot wound to the face, sprawled half in, half way out of his idling vehicle...welcome to Hamilton Heights

1:30 a.m... a drive by blasted a 35 year old man several times...welcome to the Goodfellow-Wells neighborhood...

2:00 a.m....another drive by, this time two teenagers, 15 and 16 years old, caught in the middle...welcome to the Gates District...

last year when st. louis claimed the dubious honor of being one of the most violent cities in america, our city leaders got in arms and cited various statistics to bolster their counter claim... the picture is not so grim they said... but this is because they live in the county (suburbs) while most of the crime is centered in the city...

not all parts of the city is "bad"... in fact, most of the city neighborhoods are relatively safe... but some areas are more heavily crime ridden than others...thankfully, those crime ridden areas do not make up the larger part of the city... for folks living in these high crime areas, no amount of dressing or padding the numbers can change the fact that, a walk down the street or a chit-chat on your porch can make you scared beyond wit's end...

WHY GAS PRICES SHOULD GO HIGHER

i have heard a lot of rhetoric about keeping gas prices low...among the talk is that of a higher gas tax...the idea is that the higher prices would curb the desire for gas and may put extra money in the state coiffers - money that could be used for social programs etc etc...

let me just get this off my chest right now...THAT IS A SALES PITCH....there is already a gas tax in place...this whole "extra money" for social programs/efforts would be a good idea if it wasn't a "tax" and managed by politicians...

when you have a vehicle that demands gas, you have no other choice but to feed it gas...the curb for this hunger is higher gas prices and/or alternative fuels...and even alternative fuels come with catches - as the demand for alternative fuel increases, market economics suggest its price will also increase (the good old supply and demand)...

i am probably among the few big SUV owners who want gas prices to go up...since buying my vehicle late last year amid the then high gas price turmoil (i am a contrarian - buy when everybody else is dumping), i have changed some of my habits in response to the price i pay at the pump...these are changes that i wanted to make but was either too lazy (walking to the store a few hundred feet from my front door) or just wasn't motivated enough (find the shortest/quickest distance to my destination)...

with gas prices higher now than they were last year, on average i spend much less money at the pump (weekly) compared to last year...approximately one and a half to two tanks of gas per week was my consumption rate last year...this year i am averaging one tank of gas per week, a major change in my driving habits...

for the broader population, a majority of whom may not be able to change their driving habits, higher gas prices is just what they need...with higher prices, there is less money to spend elsewhere...eventually the "Walmarts" (indicators of market condition) will begin to feel the squeeze as people spend less...very soon they will send out a call to arms and lead the charge into battling high prices...the faster the prices rise, the sooner this will happen...

let politics stay out of this...i don't believe there is a politician including presidential hopefuls who has the spine to get out of the oil company's bed...there is nothing they should do about prices at the pump...if you want to spoil a good party, or make a bad party worst, just invite politics to the event...the prices at the pump will be corrected once they reach a ceiling put in place by the other guys (the Walmarts)...

the only problem here is that there will be a lot of blood on the battlefield...

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LEAVE DON IMUS ALONE

lemme weigh in with my two pounds about this whole situation:

i don't think Imus should be fired...in fact, i think he should be allowed to carry on with what he was doing in just the same ways he normally does it...

here is why...people like Imus makes it easier to fight racism...

there is a segment of the american population that loves to think that racism died when slavery was abolished...when the issue of racism is brought up by the victims, this segment is first to imply that the "racism is perceived and not real"...this is when you hear charges of "free speech", "it was just a comment", "it was harmless", "i am not a racist", "i have black friends" being thrown around...



there is also a segment (and it probably overlaps with the segment previously mentioned) that believes if you close your eyes, racism will disappear...they crinch when the topic is broached and scamper away as quickly as possible... their scampering may be hampered by their physical surroundings...in those cases you get silence or a response that clearly indicates their discomfort...

but dialogue is what we need - and of course actions and resolutions that go beyond dialogues...we need to talk about it...we need to let those who think it is dead know that it is alive and vibrant...we need to let those who are in their comfort zones realize that if you close your eyes it won't go away...this is where people like Imus comes in...they keep the issue alive and remind those who forget that racism is real...they catch those who like to close their eyes, with their eyes wide open...

a lot of outlets refuse to tackle or address racism until "something" they deem news worthy happens...people like Imus make sure that this "something" happens, and when it does, it will make the news...

just the ammunition needed to take to the battle field...

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BATRACHOPHOBIA

phobia: the irrational persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities or persons (en.wikipedia.org)...

acrophobia : fear of heights

claustrophobia : fear of enclosed/confined spaces

i suffer from the above two phobias...those who know me find it somewhat hard to believe given that i don't have a fear of flying - a combination of the two phobias...(and let me say: those two phobias are not antagonistic - they do not cancel or negate each other)...

making it hard for them to believe also is the fact that i conceal my fears very well...i have been to the top of the St. Louis Arch, The Sears Tower and a few other tall structures...my comfort at these heights comes from focusing on the floor on which i am standing...when i do that i don't seem to be so "high" up in the air...

as for overcoming claustrophobia, i just tell myself "breathe"...when i am in confined spaces, involuntary breathing stops...i have to force myself to breathe...usually i realize that i am not breathing when my heart rate goes up and the space starts getting smaller and dark - i think on a few occasions i came darn close to syncope or carbon dioxide poisoning...

point is, i can overcome my fears/phobia by telling myself these are irrational fears, or by focusing on something other than the the situation that gave rise to the phobia...

but what do you say to a cataleptic, frozen in time as a response to fear, to ease them back to normalcy?...

recently i was having a lively phone conversation with a beautiful young lady, when the conversation ended abruptly... i called her back immediately to find out why the sudden "click" of the phone...on my third attempt she answered, breathing heavily and panting uncontrollably... apparently she went to her bedroom for whatever reason and encountered a lizard... that was the end of the world as we know it, and the beginning of catatonia...

the poor little lizard ran under her bed to avoid her and her spray can of "lizard repellent" (understand that even whip cream, if within her reach - it was her bedroom after all - would have been her lizard repellent if it was the first thing she could grab)... with the lizard under the bed, some how she found herself standing on the bed...

and now ladies and gentlemen we have a show down - a frightened recovering cataleptic with a spray can of "something" vs a scared lizard...

while she has my empathy, i started hitting myself for calling back...i am thinking "how do i get off this phone - this is not going to be good for me...there is no way i can talk the lizard out from under the bed and there is no sense trying to talk her off the bed"... i thought about pulling the "shhhheerrrrr isssssthhh static in thhhhhh crrrrrrrrrrsssssssssshhhhhhhhhh"....interpretation: "i can't hear you there is static in the lines" - the perfect reason to hang up... but this is my friend and this is life threatening... i was so scared for the poor lizard... there is only one outcome for it - certain death...

i suggested that she blindly sprayed some "repellent" under the bed, but that would mean hanging her hand off the edge of the bed, and that is a big NO NO... i suggested going to another room (she had already decided to do that), but she would have to separate herself from the bed...that too presented a problem... she told me of her mother staying on the phone with her and walking her through a previous lizard encounter... at this time i started preparing for a long night...

fortunately (and i am sure physicists the world over would have tremendous interest in this), she managed to get to a next room without leaving the bed or touching the floor... both the lizard and i breathed a huge sigh of relief - "SHE'S GONE", said i to the lizard and the lizard to i...

phobias are nothing to joke about... in this situation, after a long day of zipping and running around outside in the heat, dealing with the hustles and bustles of daily acts, avoiding danger and making it to the end of day, all that is needed is a good night's rest... time to settle down, relax and breathe a sigh of relief...

however, instead of getting rest, you are attacked by a screaming mad woman with a can of spray... you run for cover to avoid the madness... you stay hidden hoping for calm... you are doing your best to avoid a confrontation... you are not the aggressor... you are more scared of her than she is of you (who has the weapons?... that's what i thought)... but still she insist, you are the problem...ain't that summn to think about?...maaaaan after all that, you deserve a few Heineken's (sorry, i don't stock budweiser)

batrachophobia: the fear of amphibians, frogs newts or salamanders


i am still researching the phobia (experienced by the lizard) of screaming women who attack with spray cans... any and all help would be greatly appreciated...


edit: hahahahaha...below is the outcome of the situation (as was emailed to me by her)...

"i got out the lizard....it didnt involve much theatrics....just a little bravado to walk into the room and move the bed and there he was.....sprayed him some more and he ran around the room before heading for the living room.....under the desk to try to hide in all my cables...but i poked and prodded till he showed himself and then i swept him out the door and off the edge of the balcony......"

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IT SOOO HARD...BUT SHOULDN'T BE

i have always found it difficult to find a pair of pants/slacks that fit the way i want them to fit... usually the length is okay but the waist doesn't fit right, or the reverse holds true... i even run into problems finding pants that have the right length between the waist and the crotch... in this case the waist fits, but the jewels are uncomfortable, leaving them bunched up and bulging, pointing the way ahead... this becomes especially embarrassing when blood drains to the nether regions (and in my case that sometimes occur without any conscious effort and/or without me even knowing why), or when blood moves away from said regions (example when it is cold - then i am left with a little stub that sticks out like a finger)...

i have even tried tailors...but for whatever reason their cuts just doesn't hug me right...i am picky, i know, but i also know that humans are fallible...as a result i load up my closet with khakis...

but when i step out of my khakis, all i want are:

1. evenly spaced (including a loop at the back seam) and well anchored loops capable of easily accommodating a belt 1.5 inches wide

2. firmly placed buttons - not something that spins each time it is handled and then falls off when it gets tired of spinning

3. zippers that do what they are supposed to do when they are called upon to work (preferably zippers that can nudge me to move certain body parts out of the way before it snags them/it...this is especially important since i like go commando)

4. pockets that are deep enough to hold its contents without them falling out each time i sit, but not so deep i have to stretch to my knees to reach the contents

5. pockets that are durable and can withstand poking and prodding without giving up (falling off the pants or "growing" holes)

6. seams that are straight - particularly the inseam...i was always taught that to crease my pants i should lay the seams of the pant leg one atop the other and that should give me straight seam that is evenly placed on the pant leg....this crease should also run up the front and back of the pant leg...not the side...when the seams are lean that lesson does not hold and i have to call an engineer to figure out the right angles and placement of the crease..

7. back pockets that are placed not too high up, but also not so low that my wallet hurt the back of my leg (and yes, my pants MUST have back pockets)

8. cuffs (when i do wear them) that are even...not cuffs that are 1.5 inches on the left leg, and 1 inch on the right...(that makes me look off-balance)

i don't think that is too much to ask...

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I AM GOING TO BE FAMOUS

according to my understanding, being famous is akin to being publicly acclaimed... it usually comes with doing something that impacts the broader population (including sub-population)....you could provide exceptional entertainment (movie star or music performer), provide a service that improves or saves lives, contribute to a scientific breakthrough or something of the likes....

however, all this seems too hard to accomplish... it is much easier to turn on a video camera and make a fool of myself (think youtube.com).... or sit in front of some else's camera and have them make a fool of me (william hung and american idol)... i could sell my quest to lose my virginity to a television station and i'll be famous if they buy it.... or i could just do nothing like paris hilton....

but this is not the fame i envision... i happen to think, given all the intrusions into our life, and the ease with which one can be famous, anonymity will be the new wave of fame... anonymity will become something so rare that those who enjoy it will be prized and become trend setters....

i am making preparations to be on the front of this wave...now this sounds contradictory given that i write a public blog, but i know how to pull it off.... i won't tell you how i will do this because this would draw the attention i do not crave, and would damage my efforts to be famous through anonymity...

but believe when i say...that i know how to pull this off and that i will be successful...

REALITY BITES

recently, on a cold drizzly st. louis afternoon, a casting call was held for a new reality show called "Fortune"... the premise is for unfortunate people to plead their cases to become fortunate... the "fortunate" one will be determined by a panel of multi-millionaires who will throw their money (and reap in return tremendous tax benefits) at the unfortunate case, turning it into something fortunate...

i thought about giving my "unfortunate" story of working two jobs to make ends meet and not sit around waiting for the numbers on my lottery ticket to point me to financial gains... my story is unfortunate because i believe i should take care of myself and not wait for someone else to do so - this runs counter to the seemingly prevalent get rich mentality and forces me to work long hard days...(seems like everyone wants to be a star - even if it means being humiliated)... my appeal would be for venture capital to expand my business....but as i read about some of the stories that were pitched at other casting calls, there was no way i could compete...

one man wanted butt botox... now tell me why would a man want that?...and how comfortable would he be while sitting?...what if it pops/leaks/ruptures or hardens?.... one woman wanted 1 million dollars in seed money to launch a scented panty business... my first thought went to what scents would she be trying to sell.. to make a pair of underwear scented, all you have to do is wear them... some might be repulsed by the resulting scent - but it is scented none the less...

another woman wanted to pitch her idea of promoting better school restroom hygiene... why school restrooms?... i wish i could learn more about that one...

in order to compete, i thought about pitching the idea of a cruise control button for my TV remote... but try pitching that to television promoters... i doubt they would support an idea that makes switching channels easy...

i am not giving up on that idea - it is time to go more high tech than a "scan button"...

but until that happens...reality will continue to bite my unscented underwear wearing, botox free behind and force to me go work my tail off.... (hey, if i am working my butt off then butt implants may not be such a bad idea after all)...