A RIVER RUNS THRU IT

2008 was a rough year for me...not only did i have to live thru an IRS audit that started in 2007, but i also lost my primary source of income (aka my job)...for 5 months i lived on my savings and a part-time job...

fortunately, i obtained full time employment...a few weeks after starting this position, my part-time job (which at one point was my full time job) offered me the opportunity to come back full time...for someone who didn't have a full time position for 5 months, this was a great problem to have...in the end, i accepted the offer from my part-time employer, but was able to remain part-time with "new employer" (the result of making a strong impression and demonstrating that i am more action than talk)...

what's ahead for 2009 and beyond?...perseverance...

Lucretius once said: "the drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling"...i look at the pic i took of this stream and am so inspired...i watch the water deal with the obstacles (if you see the rocks as obstacles versus guiding signs) by exercising its fluidity, and moving around the rocks...at some points in the pic, it seems as if the water is hugging the rocks, embracing its life's 'problems'...

i watch it flow smoothly towards the edge of the rocks, and then tumble over the edge...the fall seems to create different little pieces and fragments the stream as it tumbles...but those pieces pool at the end of the fall and continue to flow as a unit...that's perseverance...

i don't know when i will stumble and fall...but i know that picking up the pieces and "flowing on" is what i will do...and will embrace the challenges thrown at me, and like the river, i shall continue flowing to the ocean...

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

it is almost the 6th month of the year and spring has just arrived in my garden...its "late" arrival reminds me to just accept what i cannot change and anticipate what is to arrive...

i am also reminded, as i look at my roses, that change is good...i have a red rose planted one rose bush away from a white rose bush...the bush in the middle is now budding pink roses...talk about building a bridge...a bridge that can lead to a change that may bud some creativity...

i watch the blooms play peek-a-boo between the wooden rails of my deck...i watch as they weave their path between the rails, rising up from the soil as if to say "hi there...here i am"...

well hello to you too...and thanks for stopping by...

THE TAX MAN KNOCKS...

my hibernation was disturbed not by spring but by the taxman...as always, i am a late filer, but this year was a little different - i got audited, going back a few years...

after all was said and done (i hope), i had to pay a few 'extra' dollars to shake the monkey off my back...good riddance...

speaking of spring, i wish it would hurry up and get here...i usually don't look forward to missouri's especially hot humid summers of tornadoes, nor am especially thrilled about having to mow over an acre of lawn...but i welcome the opportunity to be outdoor without freezing off my tail...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

i just woke up from hibernating...

hopefully i didn't miss much...

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING?

This is how I feel most days...buried under paper and books...
I like a challenge and perform best when under pressure...when i was in college a friend/room-mate once told me that i had the ability to pull time out of my ass...didn't quite understand what that meant but now i do...

Being in grad school full time and working two jobs leaves little time to do anything besides being in grad school full time and working two jobs...the pressure is such that i have re-evaluated liking challenges...

after careful thought, my conclusion is this: i wouldn't change a darn thing because i am having fun...last night as i was surfing the internet in search of tuition solutions for my pursuit of an MBA, i couldn't help looking at Ph.D (Biology/Microbiology) options...

it seems the more i learn the more i want to learn (does that make me nerdy?)...and since the sky is the limit, i intend to soar to above the clouds...

in the mean time, beg yuh "smalls" fi tuition nuh?...life hawd eenuh...

SCHOOL DAYS

i am back in school - this time working on my MBA...and i am already annoyed...

i had to spend nearly $300.00 on two textbooks, one of which (for my business analysis) is loaded with what i call ads...they are so cleverly made a part of the book that you would think they are relevant to the topic...there are whole pages devoted to the "great things" these companies are doing, and how they are good corporate citizens and great places at which to work...now if these accolades were incorporated into the text's reading, i wouldn't be so sour....but these are like full page ads...the language strongly suggests that they were written by the companies (not the book's publisher) and they come complete with logos, photos and mission statements...in fact, the first 4 - 5 pages of the book is all ads...

why is this so annoying?...

first, i have to pay for these people to cram their crap down my throat...i believe if i am going to spend my money on a textbook, then i should get text that is relevant to my learning - not to be force fed corporate crap....it's just like going to the movies...i pay to go see a movie...i am seated waiting for the film, and BAM - i am hit with ads for everything from coca-cola to toyota....YUK....i don't believe i should have to buy your advertisements...

second, i now begin to wonder how much of an influence these advertisers have on or over the publisher?...were the publishers forced or influenced in anyway to write favorably of these companies?

third and most important, why does the books cost so much money, when it is advertiser driven?...i am sure these companies paid to have their ads placed all over these books...that is a saving for the publisher...why do i not get to enjoy that saving?...instead, the price of text books keep going up, while the number of ads in the books also go up...

anyway, i am ready for classes, ready for the challenges and ready to learn (among other things) how to cleverly advertise my company...

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ONE CITY BLOCK - TRACT 1114

known to the Census Bureau as Census Tract 1114:

population: 2,047

household: 739

Families: 451

Married couples with children under 18: 226

% of married-couple family with at least one worker: 84

median income: $17, 219

while the median income is about $10,000 a year less than citywide figures, census tract 1114 sounds like your typical neighborhood - families with kids and folks with jobs... it is not the prettiest neighborhood but the tree lined streets add a little beauty - to the beast that lies beneath...

St. Louis Ave is in census tract 1114, and one block of this street (the 3800 block) is enough to skew the statistics of the neighborhood:

number of killings in one week: 3

Von was shot during a dispute over a debt... his death was swept under the rug without any fanfare... Shaneka (15 years old) was shot while sitting on her cousin's front porch (from all indications she was an innocent bystander caught in a drive by)... her death, like Von's, was swept under the rug... Alexus (13 years old) was stabbed to death in her front yard...

Alexus' death rang an alarm through the city and... her killer was a 12 year old boy... allegedly he was a bully, who upon being confronted by a frustrated Alexus, went home, got a steak knife came back and stabbed her to death... now there is a question of whether to prosecute him as a juvenile or as an adult...

Alexus' death also rang my alarm...two young lives lost to the 3800 block of Census Tract 1114...

welcome to the Jeff Vanderlou neighborhood....

One hour; 3 shootings

1:00 a.m, a passerby found a man with a gun shot wound to the face, sprawled half in, half way out of his idling vehicle...welcome to Hamilton Heights

1:30 a.m... a drive by blasted a 35 year old man several times...welcome to the Goodfellow-Wells neighborhood...

2:00 a.m....another drive by, this time two teenagers, 15 and 16 years old, caught in the middle...welcome to the Gates District...

last year when st. louis claimed the dubious honor of being one of the most violent cities in america, our city leaders got in arms and cited various statistics to bolster their counter claim... the picture is not so grim they said... but this is because they live in the county (suburbs) while most of the crime is centered in the city...

not all parts of the city is "bad"... in fact, most of the city neighborhoods are relatively safe... but some areas are more heavily crime ridden than others...thankfully, those crime ridden areas do not make up the larger part of the city... for folks living in these high crime areas, no amount of dressing or padding the numbers can change the fact that, a walk down the street or a chit-chat on your porch can make you scared beyond wit's end...

WHY GAS PRICES SHOULD GO HIGHER

i have heard a lot of rhetoric about keeping gas prices low...among the talk is that of a higher gas tax...the idea is that the higher prices would curb the desire for gas and may put extra money in the state coiffers - money that could be used for social programs etc etc...

let me just get this off my chest right now...THAT IS A SALES PITCH....there is already a gas tax in place...this whole "extra money" for social programs/efforts would be a good idea if it wasn't a "tax" and managed by politicians...

when you have a vehicle that demands gas, you have no other choice but to feed it gas...the curb for this hunger is higher gas prices and/or alternative fuels...and even alternative fuels come with catches - as the demand for alternative fuel increases, market economics suggest its price will also increase (the good old supply and demand)...

i am probably among the few big SUV owners who want gas prices to go up...since buying my vehicle late last year amid the then high gas price turmoil (i am a contrarian - buy when everybody else is dumping), i have changed some of my habits in response to the price i pay at the pump...these are changes that i wanted to make but was either too lazy (walking to the store a few hundred feet from my front door) or just wasn't motivated enough (find the shortest/quickest distance to my destination)...

with gas prices higher now than they were last year, on average i spend much less money at the pump (weekly) compared to last year...approximately one and a half to two tanks of gas per week was my consumption rate last year...this year i am averaging one tank of gas per week, a major change in my driving habits...

for the broader population, a majority of whom may not be able to change their driving habits, higher gas prices is just what they need...with higher prices, there is less money to spend elsewhere...eventually the "Walmarts" (indicators of market condition) will begin to feel the squeeze as people spend less...very soon they will send out a call to arms and lead the charge into battling high prices...the faster the prices rise, the sooner this will happen...

let politics stay out of this...i don't believe there is a politician including presidential hopefuls who has the spine to get out of the oil company's bed...there is nothing they should do about prices at the pump...if you want to spoil a good party, or make a bad party worst, just invite politics to the event...the prices at the pump will be corrected once they reach a ceiling put in place by the other guys (the Walmarts)...

the only problem here is that there will be a lot of blood on the battlefield...

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LEAVE DON IMUS ALONE

lemme weigh in with my two pounds about this whole situation:

i don't think Imus should be fired...in fact, i think he should be allowed to carry on with what he was doing in just the same ways he normally does it...

here is why...people like Imus makes it easier to fight racism...

there is a segment of the american population that loves to think that racism died when slavery was abolished...when the issue of racism is brought up by the victims, this segment is first to imply that the "racism is perceived and not real"...this is when you hear charges of "free speech", "it was just a comment", "it was harmless", "i am not a racist", "i have black friends" being thrown around...



there is also a segment (and it probably overlaps with the segment previously mentioned) that believes if you close your eyes, racism will disappear...they crinch when the topic is broached and scamper away as quickly as possible... their scampering may be hampered by their physical surroundings...in those cases you get silence or a response that clearly indicates their discomfort...

but dialogue is what we need - and of course actions and resolutions that go beyond dialogues...we need to talk about it...we need to let those who think it is dead know that it is alive and vibrant...we need to let those who are in their comfort zones realize that if you close your eyes it won't go away...this is where people like Imus comes in...they keep the issue alive and remind those who forget that racism is real...they catch those who like to close their eyes, with their eyes wide open...

a lot of outlets refuse to tackle or address racism until "something" they deem news worthy happens...people like Imus make sure that this "something" happens, and when it does, it will make the news...

just the ammunition needed to take to the battle field...

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BATRACHOPHOBIA

phobia: the irrational persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities or persons (en.wikipedia.org)...

acrophobia : fear of heights

claustrophobia : fear of enclosed/confined spaces

i suffer from the above two phobias...those who know me find it somewhat hard to believe given that i don't have a fear of flying - a combination of the two phobias...(and let me say: those two phobias are not antagonistic - they do not cancel or negate each other)...

making it hard for them to believe also is the fact that i conceal my fears very well...i have been to the top of the St. Louis Arch, The Sears Tower and a few other tall structures...my comfort at these heights comes from focusing on the floor on which i am standing...when i do that i don't seem to be so "high" up in the air...

as for overcoming claustrophobia, i just tell myself "breathe"...when i am in confined spaces, involuntary breathing stops...i have to force myself to breathe...usually i realize that i am not breathing when my heart rate goes up and the space starts getting smaller and dark - i think on a few occasions i came darn close to syncope or carbon dioxide poisoning...

point is, i can overcome my fears/phobia by telling myself these are irrational fears, or by focusing on something other than the the situation that gave rise to the phobia...

but what do you say to a cataleptic, frozen in time as a response to fear, to ease them back to normalcy?...

recently i was having a lively phone conversation with a beautiful young lady, when the conversation ended abruptly... i called her back immediately to find out why the sudden "click" of the phone...on my third attempt she answered, breathing heavily and panting uncontrollably... apparently she went to her bedroom for whatever reason and encountered a lizard... that was the end of the world as we know it, and the beginning of catatonia...

the poor little lizard ran under her bed to avoid her and her spray can of "lizard repellent" (understand that even whip cream, if within her reach - it was her bedroom after all - would have been her lizard repellent if it was the first thing she could grab)... with the lizard under the bed, some how she found herself standing on the bed...

and now ladies and gentlemen we have a show down - a frightened recovering cataleptic with a spray can of "something" vs a scared lizard...

while she has my empathy, i started hitting myself for calling back...i am thinking "how do i get off this phone - this is not going to be good for me...there is no way i can talk the lizard out from under the bed and there is no sense trying to talk her off the bed"... i thought about pulling the "shhhheerrrrr isssssthhh static in thhhhhh crrrrrrrrrrsssssssssshhhhhhhhhh"....interpretation: "i can't hear you there is static in the lines" - the perfect reason to hang up... but this is my friend and this is life threatening... i was so scared for the poor lizard... there is only one outcome for it - certain death...

i suggested that she blindly sprayed some "repellent" under the bed, but that would mean hanging her hand off the edge of the bed, and that is a big NO NO... i suggested going to another room (she had already decided to do that), but she would have to separate herself from the bed...that too presented a problem... she told me of her mother staying on the phone with her and walking her through a previous lizard encounter... at this time i started preparing for a long night...

fortunately (and i am sure physicists the world over would have tremendous interest in this), she managed to get to a next room without leaving the bed or touching the floor... both the lizard and i breathed a huge sigh of relief - "SHE'S GONE", said i to the lizard and the lizard to i...

phobias are nothing to joke about... in this situation, after a long day of zipping and running around outside in the heat, dealing with the hustles and bustles of daily acts, avoiding danger and making it to the end of day, all that is needed is a good night's rest... time to settle down, relax and breathe a sigh of relief...

however, instead of getting rest, you are attacked by a screaming mad woman with a can of spray... you run for cover to avoid the madness... you stay hidden hoping for calm... you are doing your best to avoid a confrontation... you are not the aggressor... you are more scared of her than she is of you (who has the weapons?... that's what i thought)... but still she insist, you are the problem...ain't that summn to think about?...maaaaan after all that, you deserve a few Heineken's (sorry, i don't stock budweiser)

batrachophobia: the fear of amphibians, frogs newts or salamanders


i am still researching the phobia (experienced by the lizard) of screaming women who attack with spray cans... any and all help would be greatly appreciated...


edit: hahahahaha...below is the outcome of the situation (as was emailed to me by her)...

"i got out the lizard....it didnt involve much theatrics....just a little bravado to walk into the room and move the bed and there he was.....sprayed him some more and he ran around the room before heading for the living room.....under the desk to try to hide in all my cables...but i poked and prodded till he showed himself and then i swept him out the door and off the edge of the balcony......"

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IT SOOO HARD...BUT SHOULDN'T BE

i have always found it difficult to find a pair of pants/slacks that fit the way i want them to fit... usually the length is okay but the waist doesn't fit right, or the reverse holds true... i even run into problems finding pants that have the right length between the waist and the crotch... in this case the waist fits, but the jewels are uncomfortable, leaving them bunched up and bulging, pointing the way ahead... this becomes especially embarrassing when blood drains to the nether regions (and in my case that sometimes occur without any conscious effort and/or without me even knowing why), or when blood moves away from said regions (example when it is cold - then i am left with a little stub that sticks out like a finger)...

i have even tried tailors...but for whatever reason their cuts just doesn't hug me right...i am picky, i know, but i also know that humans are fallible...as a result i load up my closet with khakis...

but when i step out of my khakis, all i want are:

1. evenly spaced (including a loop at the back seam) and well anchored loops capable of easily accommodating a belt 1.5 inches wide

2. firmly placed buttons - not something that spins each time it is handled and then falls off when it gets tired of spinning

3. zippers that do what they are supposed to do when they are called upon to work (preferably zippers that can nudge me to move certain body parts out of the way before it snags them/it...this is especially important since i like go commando)

4. pockets that are deep enough to hold its contents without them falling out each time i sit, but not so deep i have to stretch to my knees to reach the contents

5. pockets that are durable and can withstand poking and prodding without giving up (falling off the pants or "growing" holes)

6. seams that are straight - particularly the inseam...i was always taught that to crease my pants i should lay the seams of the pant leg one atop the other and that should give me straight seam that is evenly placed on the pant leg....this crease should also run up the front and back of the pant leg...not the side...when the seams are lean that lesson does not hold and i have to call an engineer to figure out the right angles and placement of the crease..

7. back pockets that are placed not too high up, but also not so low that my wallet hurt the back of my leg (and yes, my pants MUST have back pockets)

8. cuffs (when i do wear them) that are even...not cuffs that are 1.5 inches on the left leg, and 1 inch on the right...(that makes me look off-balance)

i don't think that is too much to ask...

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I AM GOING TO BE FAMOUS

according to my understanding, being famous is akin to being publicly acclaimed... it usually comes with doing something that impacts the broader population (including sub-population)....you could provide exceptional entertainment (movie star or music performer), provide a service that improves or saves lives, contribute to a scientific breakthrough or something of the likes....

however, all this seems too hard to accomplish... it is much easier to turn on a video camera and make a fool of myself (think youtube.com).... or sit in front of some else's camera and have them make a fool of me (william hung and american idol)... i could sell my quest to lose my virginity to a television station and i'll be famous if they buy it.... or i could just do nothing like paris hilton....

but this is not the fame i envision... i happen to think, given all the intrusions into our life, and the ease with which one can be famous, anonymity will be the new wave of fame... anonymity will become something so rare that those who enjoy it will be prized and become trend setters....

i am making preparations to be on the front of this wave...now this sounds contradictory given that i write a public blog, but i know how to pull it off.... i won't tell you how i will do this because this would draw the attention i do not crave, and would damage my efforts to be famous through anonymity...

but believe when i say...that i know how to pull this off and that i will be successful...

REALITY BITES

recently, on a cold drizzly st. louis afternoon, a casting call was held for a new reality show called "Fortune"... the premise is for unfortunate people to plead their cases to become fortunate... the "fortunate" one will be determined by a panel of multi-millionaires who will throw their money (and reap in return tremendous tax benefits) at the unfortunate case, turning it into something fortunate...

i thought about giving my "unfortunate" story of working two jobs to make ends meet and not sit around waiting for the numbers on my lottery ticket to point me to financial gains... my story is unfortunate because i believe i should take care of myself and not wait for someone else to do so - this runs counter to the seemingly prevalent get rich mentality and forces me to work long hard days...(seems like everyone wants to be a star - even if it means being humiliated)... my appeal would be for venture capital to expand my business....but as i read about some of the stories that were pitched at other casting calls, there was no way i could compete...

one man wanted butt botox... now tell me why would a man want that?...and how comfortable would he be while sitting?...what if it pops/leaks/ruptures or hardens?.... one woman wanted 1 million dollars in seed money to launch a scented panty business... my first thought went to what scents would she be trying to sell.. to make a pair of underwear scented, all you have to do is wear them... some might be repulsed by the resulting scent - but it is scented none the less...

another woman wanted to pitch her idea of promoting better school restroom hygiene... why school restrooms?... i wish i could learn more about that one...

in order to compete, i thought about pitching the idea of a cruise control button for my TV remote... but try pitching that to television promoters... i doubt they would support an idea that makes switching channels easy...

i am not giving up on that idea - it is time to go more high tech than a "scan button"...

but until that happens...reality will continue to bite my unscented underwear wearing, botox free behind and force to me go work my tail off.... (hey, if i am working my butt off then butt implants may not be such a bad idea after all)...

AFTER THE STORM...HERE COMES THE STORM

Ameren is the electricity provider for the st. louis region and parts of southern/southwestern illinois... so when i say Ameren you will know to whom i am referring...

with my power being out i have had a chance to think about a lot of things... nowhere can you turn in this city and not hear about the number of "customers" without power... these numbers are released by Ameren...

but what Ameren won't so quickly release, is their definition of a "customer"... when i hear 'customer' (and i am sure i am not alone on this) i think "person" - at least in this case... so when Ameren says it is failing to deliver power to 500,000 customers, i think 500,000 people without power... but with Ameren's definition of a customer, i am way off base and the magnitude of the problem becomes apparent and shocking when i translate an Ameren "customer" into a person...

Ameren defines a "customer" as a meter... so if you, billybob, aunt sue and uncle jeb all live under the same roof, you are all one Ameren "customer" because there is only one meter on the house... with this definition, it is easy to see how the numbers of affected can be easily down played...

here is a more accurate representation of the number of people affected:

according to the census of the metro area, there are approximately 1,013,341 household and 2,725,000 persons - an average of 2.69 people per household...

according to Ameren, during the peak of the storm, 341,000 household "customers" in the metro area were without electricity... when you apply the people per household factor you get 917,000 souls without electricity... 341,000 "Ameren 'customers'" vs 917,000 real people - that is a huge difference... basically one third of the metro's population was without electricity, but you would not have guessed that from Ameren's figures...

when the storms of July 2006 occured, Ameren had 700,000 "customers" without electricity - that's 1.88 million people without electricity... nearly 70% of the metro's population...

this is the second major outage in 6 months (and since i don't have the actual figures i won't include major outages from last year - i belive it is four over the last two years)... now, Ameren is asking people to be patient while it tries to restore power...

if you have ever experienced a st. louis summer, then you have sat in an oven waiting for your blood to boil... it is hot here in the summer...conversely, if you experience a true st. louis winter you will yearn for the blood boiling heat of summer (fall and spring usually miss us - we go from extreme to extreme)...

given this, how do you tell people who sweltered during the summer outage, and are now shivering in the cold, that they should be patient?... especially considering, that you are going to raise your rates, your weak infrastructure only exascerbate problems such as outages, you have cut back on the maintenance needed to temper the effects of a storm and you are the only provider of power in the area?...

i hope Ameren, your storm is yet to come....

WHERE I LAY MY HEAD, THAT'S MY HOME

the warmth, peace and tranquility of my home has been disturbed by mother nature... she has reminded me that i am at her mercy, and as such a mere pawn on her chess board...

on Thursday 11-30-06 she rained snow, ice and thunder on my home... she broke branches from the trees in my yard, tossing one on the roof of my outdoor shed causing it frown... the snow she brought piled up on my drive way and on top of my vehicles (as my luck would have it, my garage door is broken)...

i shoveled her frozen tears from the drive way and wiped away those that fell on my truck... she must have cried a lot because her tears froze into a two inch deep sheet of ice...

so far, i have been understanding of her pain, but she felt the need to further convince me... this time she took another branch and threw it onto the power line, thereby cutting off the power to several homes, including my own...

during the summer, St. Louis suffered a major power outage that lasted for several days (some people did not have their power restored for 2 weeks)... i escaped that hit and never lost power at all... this time i wasn't so lucky... i have been away from my house for the past three days and two nights, and there are no estimates on when power will be restored...

but i still count my blessings... i have migrated to the security of my office/lab... i have a cot on which to sleep, heat, and warm water... currently i am sharing this space with co-workers... we have opened the doors to those who are less fortunate and invited them to come inside... my brother who owns a restaurant has been feeding us... (being here has given me an opportunity to get caught up on a lot of paperwork - i can't remember ever getting to work this early)...

for those who are less fortunate and have no or limited choices, i cannot begin to feel their pain... my thoughts are with the elderly and those that are shut in... i have a list of elderly people who we will be supplying with food today... my thoughts go back to the days when i would get off work at 12:30 a.m., go to a nearby White Castles or Popeyes Chicken and purchase a family sized box of chicken or burgers... i would then trek to a nearby spot where i know of homeless people sleeping on the sidewalk and offer this food to them... some would take the offering, others would refuse it and others would want to know for which agency/shelter do i work...

my current situation has forced me to give more thoughts to things that i would normally put off for a later time, or things that i took very lightly... i expect for my room to be illuminated when i flip the light switch... i expect to find a cold pitcher of water in my refrigerator... i expect my Hagen Daaz rum and raisin ice cream to be sitting at the front of the freezer waiting for my greetings when i open the freezer door... now that ice cream has probably lost its ice and is now cream... but am i worried about it?... nope...

as i look outside, i am reminded of how tiny i am when compared to the rest of the world... i am elated that nature is truly a mother - the same hands that cradle, guide and protect me, are the same hands that slap me back to reality...

THE INCONVENIENCE OF CONVENIENCE

i generally keep things simple... i don't feel the need to dress up my cars in the latest outfits... i own a "simple" home - more cozy than it is fancy... i have one credit card... i don't accept subscription offers that are automatically renewed or extended beyond the "free" trial period if i don't call and cancel the offer... that is just too much hassle... keeping things simple makes my life so much easier and stress free, and i like it that way...

so after having had enough stress dealing with a corded/wired mouse and keyboard, i decided to go the wireless route... my thoughts when i bought this wireless mouse and keyboard was to simplify things - no wires/cords, less restrictions on the mouse movements, etc etc... if you use a corded mouse you are familiar with the several times you may have to position the cord (tugging and pulling) in an effort to maneuver the mouse... it gets annoying having to do that, and has on occasions, brought me close to cursing... especially if my legs get tangled and strangled by the cords...

i've had these wireless peripheral for a long time now, but it seems to frustrate me more than the old corded ones...why the frustration?... simple:

I NOW HAVE TO GO TO THE STORE, MORE THAN LIKELY JOIN A LINE, FORK OVER MY HARD EARNED CASH TO BUY BATTERIES FOR THIS MARVELOUS PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY TO WORK...

i find myself pressing the little red "connect" button on the bottom of the mouse repeatedly to squeeze more life out of the battery... when something goes awry with mouse, pressing the "connect button" on the bottom of the mouse, resends the mouse's signal to a receiver wired to the computer and resets the mouse... i have discovered that i can do this when the battery is weak (which cause the curser to freeze) and it will actually squeeze more life out of the battery... i do this until the battery becomes too weak to even respond to the "connect" button... then i open the battery compartment, spin the batteries and shake the mouse...sometimes i even hit the mouse against the palm of the opposite hand to "wake" up the battery... when all efforts fail, i am forced to get new batteries...

the first time i had to replace the batteries i realize that i will have to do this for as long as i am using this wireless CON-TRAP-tion... the first set of replacements were some little cheapy "dime for a dozen" batteries (since i am going to be buying a lot of them i may realize some savings if i buy the cheap ones... plus, you get more batteries at a lower price)... big mistake - they die so quickly the savings realized from their low price quickly vanishes with the high frequency of replacement... in other words, i have to buy a whole lot more of them... so, off to the store i go...

then i decided to feed this thing premium batteries... i figure they would last longer thereby eliminating the frequent trips to the store and i may actually save some money since i will not have to buy as much... but i still have to buy them... so, off to the store i go...

then i thought about stocking up on batteries to cut back on the frequent trips (i know, i know - i am a genius)... till i have to pay for them... have you ever bought premium duracells in bulk?... they are expensive... then i have to think about where to store them (bear in mind that battery life diminishes - it never increases)... i feel forced to use them up before they die...

then there is the issue of diposing of the dead batteries... i am a tree hugging environmentalist when i feel like it and when it helps to make my point (and for the purpose of this blog i am hugging a tree right now)... but i will put an axe, machete or chain saw to a tree if it bothers me too much (like constantly having to mow around it - if cutting it down will shave a few minutes off my mow time by allowing me to mow in a straight line versus having to deal with it as an obstacle, i will be mowing in a straight line)... now i have a grocery bag of dead alkaline batteries (not all from the mouse and keyboard) waiting to be disposed of... and that problem keeps growing, leading to another problem - that of poisoning and pollution...

in my desire to

**pardon the interruption**

THE BATTERY IN MY KEYBOARD IS ABOUT TO DIE...

*connect..connect*


see what i mean?

aw shucks... i am going back to my old mouse and keyboard... much simplier...

I DIDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO CONVENIENCE FEES AND AND ALL THAT STUFF...

HOW MUCH IS A PENNY WORTH?

i have been thinking about this recently...more specifically this weekend...

over the past few days, i have been monitoring my bank accounts 2-3 times a day waiting to see which debits cleared and which ones are yet to clear... all the while trying to guage how long it will be before other debits reach the bank... the race is on - who will reach the bank first: my debits or my deposits... not liking this position, i liquidated some stocks and channeled the funds into my checking account... i hated having to do that, but i needed immediate relief...

then i really sat and pondered about how people assign worth to money - when is a penny worth more or less than a penny?... i concluded they do so based on several factors...

there are times when a penny is less than a penny... examples

1. when pennies are abundant... during these times i will put it in the penny jar at the neighborhood store after a purchase... or don't pay a lot of attention to where i left it... i may even step off and leave it if it falls from my hand... on a larger scale, my trips to the cd/dvd store become more frequent... i still remain frugal by buying only used cds/dvds unless the new ones are really discounted, but the frequent spendings add up... in these cases, it seems i have assigned a lower worth to the penny... it's no big deal - there are more where those came from... i suspect there are others like me...

2. when you don't have to work for it... this holds true for some (i exempt myself from this category because rarely do i never have to work for my pennies)... this is the time when the tax refund, an inheritance or lottery or gambling winning goes to splurging... i have seen people spend their tax refund before they get it... they think that it is "free" or "extra" money... however, these same people are much more cautious with their paychecks...

what about when a penny is worth more than a penny?

1. when you are broke like i have been recently... you no longer leave your pennies behind and you double check your change to make sure you get every penny that is due... every penny you find laying around the house or elsewhere has an increased worth... it is during this time that you pull out the ashtray of your vehicle and lift the cushions of the sofa to find pennies... remember the ones that fell from your pocket in the laundry room?... go check to see if they are there... what about the ones at the laundromat?... if only you had picked up that quarter, you could now afford $2.00 worth of gas as opposed to only $1.75 (that $0.25 in extra gas is worth about a day's worth of driving - it would have gotten you much closer to pay day)...

2. when you have to work for it... how likely are you to reconsider that purchase if you are using "free/extra" money as opposed to using your paycheck?... barring financial irresponsibility, how likely are you to splurge and blow your paycheck versus blowing a lottery/gambling win?... if my thoughts are correct, i believe you are less likely to blow your paycheck... the pennies from your hard work and effort seem to be worth more than the ones "given" to you...

isn't it interesting how we tend to assign varying worth to money?...

being broke now, i started assigning worths to my pennies...they are worth a whole lot more than their face value... i started hunting for pennies and then i remembered a treasure chest of riches under my bed... this treasure chest is a plastic container that holds all kinds of "pennies" (quarters, dollar coins, nickels and dimes)... these are pennies i remove from my pockets daily (the ones that make it to my pockets - i hate coins in my pockets)... they normally sit on top of a furniture or the washing machine until i dump them in this chest... i decided to deposit these pennies and was surprised to find that they totaled $150.72 (this after being raided by my niece and mother, and me removing $45.00 in dollar coins and quarters - hey, i have to prepare for $45.00 of emergencies, okay)...

based on the worth i assigned to those pennies, my total deposit was $1507.20... yes, each penny was worth that much relief to me... after making the deposit, i smiled as i walked out the bank feeling better about my situation...

so what is a penny worth?... while it depends on how broke you are, it will never be worth less than it's face value... maybe more, but never less...

and a penny saved, can potentially become more than a penny earned...

p.s... the images are my actual container...but picture was not taken at home.... i have no carpet at home...

DID I MISS THANKSGIVING?

did i miss thanksgiving?... has it already come and gone and i didn't know?... i am very worried if that's the case...

see i'm supposed to work the night (11 pm - 6 am) shift at the hospital Thanksgiving night... being the only one that works in the micro-lab on my shift, makes me responsible for all the micro tests requests from all the floors and neighboring units... my absence would be very noticeable... i think some one would have pointed out that i was not at work if i was absent... but no one did or have done so yet... and that has me even more worried...

let me explain:

i am horrible at remembering dates... it takes me until Valentine's Day (the earliest) to get the year right, and quite often i don't even remember which day of the week is today... a lot of that may have to do with being a work-a-holic, so days doesn't matter much...Sundays won't stop me from going to work, neither will Saturdays or holidays... when duty calls i answer... but i still rely on these check marks for several reasons, including one that is work related...

so these holidays are of significant importance... they affect my disposable income and i also use them to nail down (within months or season) the time of the year.... New Year's Day is the start of a new year... Valentine's Day is February and winter... July 4th is, well July 4th and is summer... Labor Day is September and October has Halloween in its latter days... like wise, Thanksgiving is close to Christmas and Christmas is the ending of the old year... i have mastered this calendar system and it works for me...

now i am worried that my system is all screwed up... and this is leading me to wonder if i missed work... back in September (i know cause it was not too long after labor day) i started seeing Christmas ornaments popping up in the stores... then in October (i know because of the ghoulish adornments being sold) i saw Halloween and Christmas stuff all over the stores... so far i am not yet confused... but then Halloween is gone (i know because i had all kinds of little ghouls on my door steps wanting candies) and i haven't seen or heard any mention of Thanksgiving... all i am seeing is Christmas stuff... where did Thanksgiving go?... or is it still to come?...

i am not into the killing and eating of turkey and i hate stuffing... but this day is important as a marker... when i start seeing Christmas stuff, i think Thanksgiving is gone... now can you understand my worry?... you may think this would have been an issue back in September, but it wasn't then... i knew it was too early after Labor Day for Halloween and Thanksgiving to have gone by...

these "extended holiday" seasons are driving me nuts and messing up my system... i am nervous that i may miss the holiday nights i am scheduled to work and then lose my job on grounds of "no call - no show" for work... but more importantly, i cannot afford to lose the difference in pay i would get for working holidays (it's like a whole $16.00 before taxes and other expenses)... plus i get a $10.00 Thanksgiving grocery coupon (that's about what it was last year) from the hospital and a $4.00 lunch ticket usable in the hospital's cafe for working that night... i also get to park in the visitor's garage which is across the street from the hospital... there is no way i am going to let these perks pass me over and i not voice extreme disappointment... i am taking a stand...

to everyone especially the merchants who are trying so hard to get me to go holiday "spending"... understand this:

IF YOU MESS UP MY CALENDAR SYSTEM CAUSING ME TO MISS WORK AND LOSE MY PERKS BECAUSE YOU CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THE HOLIDAY'S ARRIVAL BEFORE CRAMMING IT DOWN MY THROAT... YOU WILL NOT SEE A DIME OF MY MONEY...

allow the holidays to come... extending the season is more annoying than anything else... those who are gung-ho on the holidays know it is coming and you cannot make it come any faster...

please let me breathe... and not confuse me or screw up my holiday check marks... i get great perks for working these days... these perks, which amount to savings, enable me to patronize your establishments and buy your products... so you too stand to benefit... let's work together to build more enjoyable holidays...

by the way... did i miss Thanksgiving?

FEAR DISGUISED AS CONFIDENCE...CAN BE SHATTERED BY TRUE CONFIDENCE

i am watching "Eye of the Leopard" on The Discovery Channel and learned that baboons and leopards are not best of friends... kinda like lions and hyenas...

in one segment of the show, a standoff was captured between a group of baboons and a leopard... apparently baboons usually get the upperhand in such show downs especially when the whole baboon troop is involved... but this time it was different... the leopard stepped with confidence and showed disdain for the baboons...

tired of being harassed, it turned and faced the baboons with its canines exposed and eyes fixed on the alpha male of the baboon troop... i started to laugh at this point... if the leopard feared the baboon, it was not obvious... its confidence was threatening beyond what the baboons could withstand, and eventually they scampered away... i laughed even harder - not at the baboons but at how confidence can defuse even the most aggressive threat...


FEAR MASKED AS CONFIDENCE...CAN BE EASILY SHATTERED BY TRUE CONFIDENCE...

the most interesting thing about this realization, is the many times i have employed this to internal threats - when i begin to feel fear or uncertainity, i find it easy to overcome such fear by being confident... even when i try to mask my internal fear by "psyching" up myself, i realize that it is only true confidence that counts...

if fear is a venom, then i have realized the antidote...

IS IT THE ACT OR THE PERSON COMMITTING THE ACT?

we are fixated on sensationalism... and in effort to get our fix, even things that in my opinion are not headline worthy make the front page in bold... all we need to do is find or make celebrities of whomever and we have a headline...

two cases in st. louis last week made the headlines because of who was involved... in our everyday lives, these cases would at most register a blip on the news radar... but since they involve the children of public figures, we have the celebrities and hence we can have a fix...

the cases are (to summarize):

1. the son of a police chief and his friend was arrested for allegedly taking his father's unmarked police cruiser and pulling over motorists... he got busted when one of the drivers he pulled over was an off duty law officer who became suspicious of their "undercover work"...

2. on Monday, the son of a County treasurer was arrested for allegedly punching a funeral home owner... apparently the funeral owner objected to the placement of a political campaign sign on his business' property and this son got upset about it...

why were these cases given such high profile treatment?.. because of the people who committed the crimes... people get punched in their faces all the times and cars get stolen all the time (including patrol cars)... motorists suffer inconveniences all the times... but these don't make headlines...

on one hand i am glad they plastered these culprits over the air waves... maybe they will be ashamed of their behavior... but on the other hand i know their "celebrity status" just magnified...while i am turned off by their raised "celebrity profiles" i am drawn to the headlines only to see what and how much favoritism will be given to these culprits...

in these cases... i would love to see the parents come forward and request that the books of law be thrown at their misbehaved kids... my granny calls it tough love... as she would say "if you refuse to lissen, the you will feel the pain"... sometimes i wish she was a judge..lol

i love to read the local news... it keeps me in touch with my neighbors... but can we focus on newsworthy items and not on who committed the act?... can i hear about the great deeds done for and in the community without even knowing who did it?...

it matters very little if any at all to me, who did what... i am very much interested in what was done...in those two highlighted cases, i couldn't care less who they are or to whom they are related... i am more interested in seeing them hauled off to serve the full punishment prescribed by the law...

let's get back to what was done...not who did it...