GOOD NIGHT

It is after 11 p.m. where I am, yet I am sitting outside on my deck. I am enjoying the chorus of night creatures (crickets and whomever else is around), the air conditioner kicking in and out and an occasional "bump" as some flying "somebody" hits the light bulb under which I am seated.

As I am sitting here, I tried (to no avail) staring beyond the light and into the darkness - both the darkness that covers my backyard and the darkness shielding the sky. There were no stars around when I first sat down. I asked the clouds for company and a few minutes later they gave me the moon and one star.

The moon looks full and rich. It popped up over my neighbors roof and is now hiding behind a tree branch. The star is tiny and twinkling, but holding steadily to its position.

I am amazed at how the moon just hangs there at times, and then starts walking across the sky. Who commands it? Who hangs it? Same questions for the stars. I know who does, and I say a big thank you.

I think I will sit here for a while and soak it all in. I placed an "x" in the sky. When the moon kisses this "x", I will say goodnight.

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers-
The moon and the stars you have set in place-
what are mortals that you should think of us?

(Psalms 8:3-4)

SOMETHING DIFFERENT

Most of the times I drive the same way to work - Tesson Ferry -> I270 -> I44 -> Kingshighway and on to my destination. So programmed is this route, that whenever I get on I-270 from Tesson Ferry, I usually exit on to I-44 even when this is not the route to my destination. I generally get a strawberry-mango-banana smoothie from work. Again, that's just routine for me.

However, I have decided to do somethings differently. Instead of taking the same route to work, I am going to take at least one different route each week, and find a route I have not yet travelled. I have already addressed the smoothie issue. The other day I had a cappucino/yogurt smoothie and today I am having a banana/mango/yogurt smoothie. It is awful, btw.

I am sure changes are good. If my life did not change and I did not change my attitude about a lot of things, I would not be the person I am today. Stagnation doesn't bring about growth. I have not yet figured out how exactly a change in smoothie taste or travel route will bring about growth. However, changes and being intentional about changing is an attitude I wish to embrace with more strength.

SOMETHING NEW THAT IS OLD

I am posting from a linux blog client...this is just a test

LIES, PIES AND TIES

For several years during Lent, I “gave up” something. I do not think of it as giving up something for Lent, but rather giving up something. Whatever I decide to give up, usually gives way to a lifestyle change. I gave up chocolate one Lent and and since then, I have severely cut back on my consumption of M&M’s and Hershey's chocolate bars. In another case, I gave up sweets and have cut back on my consumption of candies and use of sugar/sweeteners. During these times of Lent, I allow myself room to err. If I fall off the track, I summon my discipline to get me back on line.

So what does this have to do with “lies and pies and ties”? This year I couldn’t decide what to give up. I wanted it to be like the other years – where whatever I gave up, will become a lifestyle change. Three days into Lent, I figured out what to give up. It’s called lying. Now before you go asking what did he lie to me about, ask what was the last lie you told (me), and when.

In my opinion, a lie is an intentional act to deceive.  I pay no attention to the degree of a lie (a little lie vs a big lie  etc.) – it is still lying. To not lie is hard. Think about it. Have you ever told someone that you were “feeling OK”, when you were not? Have you ever distorted the truth because candor would or may cause hurt? Have you ever pretended you were having a good time so as not to appear ungrateful? Have you ever answered the phone and taken a message for yourself (so the caller wouldn’t know they are talking to you)? If you said yes to any of this or anything similar, then you have told lies. I have.

Now, what about the pie? Here it is. I am going to approach this effort as if I am eating my favorite pie. I actually don’t care for pie (the truth), but since “pies” rhymes with “lies”, I’ll pretend (lie?) that I am eating a pie. The pie is sitting there. I cut off a little piece and eat it. It tastes delicious, so I cut off a little piece more, and a little piece more and a little piece more. Eventually, and in most case sooner than I plan, the entire pie is gone. Then I stare at the now empty space and say, “I never realized how much of the pie I was eating”.

Now to tie it all together. Each day, as dictated by occurrences, I will take a piece of the pie of lie and “give it up”. This will require that I act intentionally and deliberately, hence holding myself accountable. I am not sure how long it will take for the pie to disappear, or even if it can disappear. However, what I do know is this: the same discipline with which I eat the pie, is the same discipline I will use to get rid of this pie of lie – one slice at a time.

I pray I am not lying to myself about this. Lol

Proverbs 6: 16-17…these six things the LORD hates; yea, seven are an abomination unto him: a proud look, a lying tongue…

Proverbs 12:19…The lip of truth shall be established for ever: but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

WHAT'S OLD IS NEW - AGAIN

Old love seems to burn brighter when it is rekindled. Sparks fly and the flames dance in celebration.

An old flame has returned to me.

I have re-discovered the joys of sitting with a book in my hand and getting lost in reading. I even renewed my library card and returned a book that was due from 2008.

Ecclesiastes once said, there is nothing new under the sun. (The thing that hath been, it is that which shall be; and that which is done is that which shall be done: and there is no new thing under the sun. Ecc 1:9).

I believe him.

PREPARING TO WAR

Doubt can be defined as the state/space that exists between certainty and uncertainty; the point at which there is enough evidence or strong belief to question the truth/fact/situation, but not enough evidence or belief to totally disbelief.

It's in Theology (agnosticism), law (burden of proof) and in science where many scientific advances and current knowledge can be attributed to doubts of older theories and hypotheses.

However, one thing is certain (interesting choice of word): in war, doubt can be the biggest enemy. It may lead to fear and ultimately to self conviction. Once it sets in and becomes convicting, it is then easy to lose hope as faith and trust goes out the door, rendering you vulnerable. So powerful is doubt in a war, that if the enemy seizes it, they can win against you, without using any other strategy/weapon. If I can convince you to doubt your might, then I may be able to convince you that I will destroy you in a war; you might think twice about provoking me.

Since I cannot literally touch or see "doubt", how can I war against it? My suit/weapons of choice:

1. Truth
2. Righteousness
3. Peace
4. Faith
5. Salvation
6. Sword of the spirit
7. Prayer
8. Vigilance

I carry many weapons, none of which is a burden.

Eph 6:10-17

HAPPY NEW YEAR

My New Years Resolution

1. Make God the center of my life

2. Do a daily devotion/meditation

3. Volunteer in my community

4. Learn to play the piano

5. Pay my bills on time

6. Stop rushing

7. Travel to a state I have never visited

BREAKFAST FOR TWO

"Ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds of the air, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish of the sea inform you." ( taken from Job 12)

Sitting in my kitchen...mounted on a bar chair...eating breakfast...staring out the back door thru weary eyes...observing the nature of God's beauty...

Then into the picture, and gracefully walking up to my house, there you were. May I freeze your beauty with a picture? Really? Thank you.

And thanks for joining me. Your company made a huge difference. You brought my mind from wandering, to the simplicity yet majesty of nature. I am honored that you chose to visit me.

Breakfast was wonderful.

KEEPING IT SIMPLE

(But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve) your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity (of devotion to Christ). So writes Paul in his letters to the Corinthians (2, 11:2-4).

Simple.

Saying yes to too many things clutters my mind, and that clutter leaves insufficient room for devotion to God/Christ, family and friends. Going to the gym or biking is time for myself. Even though I enjoy the time with myself, I never really stop to bask in its joy. Once the time passes, I rush off to the next event/point.

But why am I rushing? Because I have too many things to do and too many places to be. Busy, busy, busy. I found that I filled every little void with something to do. There was so much rush (and stress) that my "me time" wasn't as mentally or spiritually beneficial as I believe it could be.

So to keep things simple, I have decided to unclutter my mind by clearing my schedule, stop rushing, making time for devotion, meditating, experiencing the joys of an accomplishment (Proverbs 13:19 says "a desire accomplished is sweet to the soul) and employing the power of the words "No" and "Yes".

Man, I will be busy trying to keep things simple.

ARE YOU GOING WHERE YOU SHOULD BE GOING?

One ship drives East,
and another drives West,
With the self-same winds that blow;
Tis the set of the sails, and not the gales,
Which tells us the way to go.

Like the winds of the sea are the ways of fate,
As we voyage along through life;
Tis the set of the soul that decides its goal,
And not the calm or the strife.

-Ella Wheeler-Wilcox

Ever wonder why we fall apart when the "winds are against us", but others in similar situations take it all in stride? It's because their sails are set differently.

THE ENEMY AT THE GATE...

I am reminded of Hans Christian Andersen's story of "The Emperor's New Clothes" and of another story, "The Invisible Silk Robe" by "I don't know the author"...

But here are two examples of people pretending to see (the emperor's new clothes and king's silk robe), people pretending not to see (that there existed no robe or clothes) and/or people who were afraid of how they would be seen (only people of high standing could see the garments of these royalties).

The truth about self can be very offensive. The exposure to criticism and oft times bitter taste makes swallowing the truth very difficult. To deal with this, we sometimes pretend to see what does not exist (lie to ourself), pretend not to see what exists (lie to ourself) and/or get so caught up in how we will be seen that we pretend to be who we are not (lie to ourself).

No matter how it is dressed, there is one constant - the lie.

But there is a time to acknowledge the truth about ourselves, regardless of how difficult it may be. We have all sinned (of which lying is one), and he who claims to be without sin, tells a lie. Admit your lies, then seek to be forgiven and offer forgiveness ("Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespassed against us").

The fabric of a lie does not change the truth, and lies can be prisons. The truth however, is freedom. It may come at a price, but it is freedom from the prison that is a lie.

All too often we are our own worst enemy.

TELLING YOURSELF STORIES THAT HURT YOU

I think we have all told these stories - the ones where we make up the stories but end up telling a story that hurt us. Example, you ask a friend to hang out for the evening and they say "no". So off you go making up stories - maybe they said no "because they are mad about me going to dinner with another friend last week". Then you go on to extend the story: "they probably don't like my other friend". Or maybe they said no "because I didn't lend them $20" or "because I didn't answer my phone last night". Whatever the story may be, how likely will it make us feel better?

I like to think that I have reached a point, socially, where I embrace the word "no" without a story. In a social setting when dealing with friends, associates and family, "no" is not an issue for me. Maybe you are mad because I didn't lend you the twenty, or you don't like my friend, or you are upset because I said "no" to one of your previous requests. Whatever it may be, I have reached a point where you saying "no" does not create an emotional whirlwind within me.

Yes, I will think of stories that may "explain" your response, and one of them may be true; but, I don't KNOW which one is true,or why you said "no" (and knowing me, I probably won't try to find out either). Regardless, I will not allow these stories to become the truth I tell myself.

However, if next weekend I ask you to hangout, and you say "no", well, that's a different story.

AT EASE – EASY LIKE SUNDAY MORNING

It's 7:54 a.m., 73 deg F, Sunday and I am seated on my deck. A very light breeze is blowing causing the leaves on the trees to waltz. Every now and then the wind gets excited and encourages the leaves to put some pep in their step. I watch the fog lift its cover from my backyard, and the sun peek through the railings of the deck and branches of the trees. It is a beautiful sight and I felt at ease.

Something compelled me to get up and go outside this morning. While still in bed I read a bible verse (John 17: 16 – 31) about sorrows turning to joy, and reflected on my reading. After a few minutes I yielded to the desire to be outside. I stepped outside with Mark Twain and Tyndale to say hello to the morning and “my birds” who were already in full chorus. Later we were joined by a cup of tea.

I read another verse; this time from Proverbs 5 : 6 – 20 (Tyndale). It spoke about the lessons of life. I also reflected on that verse and felt at ease.

Before “talking” to Twain I looked around my backyard. I see a maple tree that I thought of cutting down due to its size and close proximity to the house. I see rose bushes peek-a-booing through the deck railing. Further in the distance I see a garden patch that blooms iris in the spring, but is now in need of weeding and attention. Beyond that, further in the distance, is a patch of weed that needs to be removed. I am looking at the garden area immediately around the deck and wondering if I should bother myself with mulching it today. I also have a few trees around which I want to put soil and mulch. I felt stirred.

I zoomed out to take a broader view of the sight and take in the sounds which includes the flutter of wings: some visiting the bird feeder while others just flying by. I didn't feel like an intruder. I felt like I was welcomed to be in the picture.

I felt at ease.

I SHALL SING

what is all this ruckus I hear outside my bedroom window?...it is too early (about 4:30 a.m.) in the morning for all this noise...my room would have been such a quiet place had it not been for this commotion...

i poke my head out from under my covers to investigate this intrusion of my space...the first thing I discovered was a calm cool wind seeping in thru my open window, making its way across my room to caress my head (I am bald-headed)...the wind brought with it a fresh earthy scent – reminds me of dirt mixed with rainwater and tinged with vinegar...then I started to focus on the commotion...

It sounded like a demonstration...like folks were trying to out-shout each other...at times it appeared as if they got tired and started to tone things down, only to start shouting again...once in a while, a loud voice booms over a megaphone inciting the chorus to yell even louder...the voices varied from deep bass to high pitch, seemingly covering all ranges within that parameter...

this went on constantly for at least two hours...it is approaching the 3hr marker since I started my investigation...it appears as if the crowd is dispersing causing a significant drop in the noise level and i am ready to assess the physical damage left in their wake...

there is no damage...there was no riot...it was nothing more than a 'bunch' of folks singing from the morning's stage...from the short piercing “chirp” to the repetitive and melodious “stwerrrrrp stwerppp”, they sang at the top of their voices...together they were a noisy bunch, but i welcomed their intrusion...in fact, I invited their intrusion into my space...they disturbed the silence of my room, but not me...I enjoyed the chorus...they sang (term used lightly) with zest and life...

today, the world is my stage...i too shall sing at the top of my voice, even though I cannot carry a musical note if you handed it to me in a basket...but those birds told me to pay no attention to the “haters”...they are just mad cause THEY can't sing...

i have so much to say i don't know where to start...


so for now, enjoy the beautiful sounds of the beautiful goapele...

"BUZZ" OFF - PLEASE

I am not a social butterfly, thus I shy away from social networking sites (Facebook, Twitter, etc etc). I am active on only one message board and I tend to do a lot more reading that posting. I keep a small circle of associates and a smaller circle of friends. Even among my circle of friends, I tend not to open up. I will tell you how my day is going or what I have been up to if we are just shooting the breeze, but to call you and start lamenting is not my style. My tendency is to be quiet about things and not make a fuss. My point is, I share very few details of my life even with close friends, and I appreciate them for respecting my position, and allowing me to be who I am.

However, Google takes an opposing view. Apparently, Google thinks I am okay with my info being shared and accessible by those I don't even know, or care to know. I have heard the buzz about Google's Buzz and decided to be nosey about all the buzz. What did I find out? - that Google decided my email contacts should be made public to other people who use Gmail and/or Buzz. They also decided that I should be able to see my contacts' other contacts - if they are being followed on Buzz...

I share my email info with those who I want contacting me, and I don't consider my information (whatever little or much Google has) to be public record. I believe I should have the option to 'opt-in' if I so desire, as opposed to be thrown into the pit, and have to 'opt-out'. Of course you know that opting-out is not as easy as unchecking a few boxes.

So my dear 'unfriend' Google, please Buzz off. Thank you. I determine my friends, not you (at least that's what I tell myself).

I AM NOT ALONE

Thanksgiving was a blast. I was off work and for that I was extremely thankful. I spent the day doing everything I wanted to do - nothing. I also did most of what I didn't want to do - anything. Actually, I had to do a little bit of light cleaning. However, it felt good to go at my own pace.

With nothing much to do, I figured I would make my rounds of blogs and news sites. I realize during my blog surfing, that sometimes it is better to just shut up and make people think you have nothing to say, than to open your mouth only to prove that you have nothing to say.

As I am surfing some of these blogs, I find them to be nothing more than links to other sites. Seriously now, I thought blogging (and the whole purpose of writing) was to share YOUR thoughts. A link to a story is fine, but when the link is your story, then maybe you should really just remain quiet. It reminds me of people who speak because they can, and not because they have something to say. Where are your thoughts?

I see one of favorite blogs has not been updated in a long time. I have to wonder if the blogger chooses to speak only when there is something to say, versus speaking because they possess the ability to speak. Knowing the blogger, I would say the former is most likely the reason for the lack of updates. And that is quite fine by me.

To those who update their blogs with refreshing contents, keep up the good work - you gave me something to do.

WOW

WOW! That's all I can say. I am actually paying attention to this blog. Being busy with work does not leave me with enough time in the day to do all the things I want to do. My work day (excluding drive time) generally starts at 8:30 a.m. and ends somewhere between 11:30 - 11:45 p.m. most days. On the occasions when I have an evening off, updating a blog is not among my top priorities. However, I decided to take the time to write something. Of greater significance is not what I write, but that I am taking the time to write.

I use to say "I don't have the time", but then I realize I was cheating myself out of things I love and enjoy (and no, I am not talking about blogging nor writing). For example, it was the excuse I used for not going cycling. I used to ride a minimum of 75 miles per week, but for the past 4 years I rode less than 7 miles per week on the rare occasions when I did ride. I think I get a little less than 7 miles per week on my riding lawn mower - I'll have to check.

During this time I could hear my bikes moaning as they fell in a cobwebbed state of non-use. So I threw the "no time excuse" out the door, repaired my bikes (do-it-myself + professional) and started riding again. My road bike is now a part of my truck. At first I was a little annoyed having to lift and pull it from the cabin compartment as I do not yet have a bike hitch. Then I remembered, if I want to do this (ride) then I'll have to do this (lift and pull). Now the lifting and pulling is a part of the experience, and WOW is all I can say to this experience.

Today I rode a mixed trail - wooded, hills, flats, farms and city. I generally enjoy city riding until I start inhaling the fumes of passing vehicles or someone decides to exit a parked vehicle and open their door suddenly just as I am about to pass by. Today in the city, about 11 miles into my journey, I stopped at a roadside market and ate the juiciest, crispiest apple I ate in a long time. It had the right balance of tart and sweet - just how I like it. Combined with an oatmeal cookie it was the perfect fuel. The flats took me through Grant's Farm, home to Budweiser's Clydesdale. To ride along the white fences and watch the Clydesdale (including a foal) galivant reminded me of the freedom to be enjoyed outside. During the "wooded ride" I saw a few deers including a majestic buck (probably a 10pt buck), dart across the trail ahead of me. The trail crossed rivers, streams and brooks and on occasions ran alongside them. Squirrels played "dodge the bikers", caterpillars tried to scurry across the trail and birds were busy darting in and out of the bushes along the side of the trail.

It was such a beautiful experience to be back in the saddle and enjoying the sights and sounds of the outdoors. Had it not been for getting saddle sore and feeling a thousand little fire in each quad, I would not have realized that I covered 26.5 miles riding. Next stop - 30 miles. No more I don't have the time. The experience is too rich for me to not enjoy it.

AND...it is mostly free...

A RIVER RUNS THRU IT

2008 was a rough year for me...not only did i have to live thru an IRS audit that started in 2007, but i also lost my primary source of income (aka my job)...for 5 months i lived on my savings and a part-time job...

fortunately, i obtained full time employment...a few weeks after starting this position, my part-time job (which at one point was my full time job) offered me the opportunity to come back full time...for someone who didn't have a full time position for 5 months, this was a great problem to have...in the end, i accepted the offer from my part-time employer, but was able to remain part-time with "new employer" (the result of making a strong impression and demonstrating that i am more action than talk)...

what's ahead for 2009 and beyond?...perseverance...

Lucretius once said: "the drops of rain make a hole in the stone not by violence, but by oft falling"...i look at the pic i took of this stream and am so inspired...i watch the water deal with the obstacles (if you see the rocks as obstacles versus guiding signs) by exercising its fluidity, and moving around the rocks...at some points in the pic, it seems as if the water is hugging the rocks, embracing its life's 'problems'...

i watch it flow smoothly towards the edge of the rocks, and then tumble over the edge...the fall seems to create different little pieces and fragments the stream as it tumbles...but those pieces pool at the end of the fall and continue to flow as a unit...that's perseverance...

i don't know when i will stumble and fall...but i know that picking up the pieces and "flowing on" is what i will do...and will embrace the challenges thrown at me, and like the river, i shall continue flowing to the ocean...

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER

it is almost the 6th month of the year and spring has just arrived in my garden...its "late" arrival reminds me to just accept what i cannot change and anticipate what is to arrive...

i am also reminded, as i look at my roses, that change is good...i have a red rose planted one rose bush away from a white rose bush...the bush in the middle is now budding pink roses...talk about building a bridge...a bridge that can lead to a change that may bud some creativity...

i watch the blooms play peek-a-boo between the wooden rails of my deck...i watch as they weave their path between the rails, rising up from the soil as if to say "hi there...here i am"...

well hello to you too...and thanks for stopping by...