Saturday, March 03, 2007

BATRACHOPHOBIA

phobia: the irrational persistent fear of certain situations, objects, activities or persons (en.wikipedia.org)...

acrophobia : fear of heights

claustrophobia : fear of enclosed/confined spaces

i suffer from the above two phobias...those who know me find it somewhat hard to believe given that i don't have a fear of flying - a combination of the two phobias...(and let me say: those two phobias are not antagonistic - they do not cancel or negate each other)...

making it hard for them to believe also is the fact that i conceal my fears very well...i have been to the top of the St. Louis Arch, The Sears Tower and a few other tall structures...my comfort at these heights comes from focusing on the floor on which i am standing...when i do that i don't seem to be so "high" up in the air...

as for overcoming claustrophobia, i just tell myself "breathe"...when i am in confined spaces, involuntary breathing stops...i have to force myself to breathe...usually i realize that i am not breathing when my heart rate goes up and the space starts getting smaller and dark - i think on a few occasions i came darn close to syncope or carbon dioxide poisoning...

point is, i can overcome my fears/phobia by telling myself these are irrational fears, or by focusing on something other than the the situation that gave rise to the phobia...

but what do you say to a cataleptic, frozen in time as a response to fear, to ease them back to normalcy?...

recently i was having a lively phone conversation with a beautiful young lady, when the conversation ended abruptly... i called her back immediately to find out why the sudden "click" of the phone...on my third attempt she answered, breathing heavily and panting uncontrollably... apparently she went to her bedroom for whatever reason and encountered a lizard... that was the end of the world as we know it, and the beginning of catatonia...

the poor little lizard ran under her bed to avoid her and her spray can of "lizard repellent" (understand that even whip cream, if within her reach - it was her bedroom after all - would have been her lizard repellent if it was the first thing she could grab)... with the lizard under the bed, some how she found herself standing on the bed...

and now ladies and gentlemen we have a show down - a frightened recovering cataleptic with a spray can of "something" vs a scared lizard...

while she has my empathy, i started hitting myself for calling back...i am thinking "how do i get off this phone - this is not going to be good for me...there is no way i can talk the lizard out from under the bed and there is no sense trying to talk her off the bed"... i thought about pulling the "shhhheerrrrr isssssthhh static in thhhhhh crrrrrrrrrrsssssssssshhhhhhhhhh"....interpretation: "i can't hear you there is static in the lines" - the perfect reason to hang up... but this is my friend and this is life threatening... i was so scared for the poor lizard... there is only one outcome for it - certain death...

i suggested that she blindly sprayed some "repellent" under the bed, but that would mean hanging her hand off the edge of the bed, and that is a big NO NO... i suggested going to another room (she had already decided to do that), but she would have to separate herself from the bed...that too presented a problem... she told me of her mother staying on the phone with her and walking her through a previous lizard encounter... at this time i started preparing for a long night...

fortunately (and i am sure physicists the world over would have tremendous interest in this), she managed to get to a next room without leaving the bed or touching the floor... both the lizard and i breathed a huge sigh of relief - "SHE'S GONE", said i to the lizard and the lizard to i...

phobias are nothing to joke about... in this situation, after a long day of zipping and running around outside in the heat, dealing with the hustles and bustles of daily acts, avoiding danger and making it to the end of day, all that is needed is a good night's rest... time to settle down, relax and breathe a sigh of relief...

however, instead of getting rest, you are attacked by a screaming mad woman with a can of spray... you run for cover to avoid the madness... you stay hidden hoping for calm... you are doing your best to avoid a confrontation... you are not the aggressor... you are more scared of her than she is of you (who has the weapons?... that's what i thought)... but still she insist, you are the problem...ain't that summn to think about?...maaaaan after all that, you deserve a few Heineken's (sorry, i don't stock budweiser)

batrachophobia: the fear of amphibians, frogs newts or salamanders


i am still researching the phobia (experienced by the lizard) of screaming women who attack with spray cans... any and all help would be greatly appreciated...


edit: hahahahaha...below is the outcome of the situation (as was emailed to me by her)...

"i got out the lizard....it didnt involve much theatrics....just a little bravado to walk into the room and move the bed and there he was.....sprayed him some more and he ran around the room before heading for the living room.....under the desk to try to hide in all my cables...but i poked and prodded till he showed himself and then i swept him out the door and off the edge of the balcony......"





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